


Crimson Barrier

by TheForeverWarrior



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Just pretend it's season 1 again it was a simpler time, M/M, PINING KEITH, eventually, like hardcore pining, this fic was started when only season 1 was out so it's pretty heavily divergent from canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7802695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheForeverWarrior/pseuds/TheForeverWarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Keith had been called a great many things. Impulsive. Blunt. Honest. Loyal. Stupid. Foolhardy. Brave. Keith didn’t know if he was any of that, but he did know he trusted himself more than anything else. He trusted his intuition. It had never steered him wrong before. It was his intuition that got him to where he was now. A Paladin of Voltron, pilot of the Red Lion, a defender of the universe. Keith followed his heart and his heart was singing about love. His heart was directing him straight to Lance.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The echoes of the battle with the sparring bot filled the training room floor. Keith wasn’t holding back but he wasn’t exactly known to hold back with anything. This particular afternoon (morning, evening? Time didn’t really matter in space.) Keith was a man on a mission. At the start of his sparring, he hadn’t realized it. It was just supposed to be regular training. While the other paladins had their other hobbies, Keith’s spare time was put towards training. They were space warriors after all. Keith wouldn’t be caught off guard in battle. He had too much at stake, too much to protect. 

Keith dodged a swipe to the left and retaliated, hitting the bot hard enough to cause it to stumble back. Keith laid into it, swinging again and again until it finally got its footing back. Quite frankly, he was kicking its robot ass and his mind began to wander. He pictured an audience. He imagined his teammates all watching him from the observation deck on the next floor. He thought of the praise he would get from Allura and Shiro after he won the battle and the quips from Hunk and Pidge in congratulations for topping his own high score. 

And Lance. Lance would be the first one on the floor. Keith imagined Lance strolling up to him and wrapping his arms around the Red Paladin. 

“Show off,” Lance would say, and he would kiss Keith. 

Wait. _What._

The sparring bot struck suddenly and knocked Keith to the ground. Keith landed with a heavy grunt and scurried back to his feet, his eyes wide at his own thoughts. 

“End training sequence,” Keith said quickly. The bot powered down and Keith was left alone on the training floor, panting. In a strange panic he looked up at the observation deck. There was no one there. No one watching, no one to see him embarrass himself for seemingly no reason. 

But oh, boy, was there a _reason._

Unconsciously Keith touched his lips, replaying the thought in wonder. It was inappropriate to think of a teammate like that, nonetheless Lance. And yet, a warm feeling came over Keith. He hadn’t expected that. He hadn’t expected to feel good when fantasizing about Lance of all people. However, as he thought it over… There was a lot he did like about Lance. Most things, really. 

Lance had been hell to deal with at first. He was competitive, rude, arrogant, cocky; they fought about everything— _everything_. He was a completely ridiculous and outrageous goofball that Keith just really, really wanted to kiss. 

Well. That was new. 

Keith had had crushes before. He was a teenager, after all, who didn’t? And while he didn’t expect to manifest one while out in the middle of space, he couldn’t deny how pleasant he felt just thinking about Lance. Lance certainly hadn't changed from the first time Keith had met him, not in any large way. Perhaps Keith had changed. He couldn’t deny that even when he was arguing with Lance, he was enjoying himself. That was different, wasn’t it? 

Keith spent a long time on the training room floor not training, but thinking about Lance instead. He thought about Lance’s smile and his laugh, and then his stupid jokes or dramatic behavior. He thought of the sort of fighter Lance was and how smart he was. 

Maybe, Keith admitted to himself, he was the one who had changed. He certainly didn’t think he had, but his newfound affection for Lance had to come from somewhere. Maybe it was just time that changed it. Or maybe Lance just made him want to be a better person. Keith could agree to that point. When Lance was around, Keith did try harder. He wanted to be stronger, he wanted to be better, he wanted to hear Lance challenge him and to hear his jokes and teasing, regardless of which one of them bested the other. 

After that confusing situation in the training room, Keith began to notice Lance in a different way. He found it easy to act casual simply because even with these confusing thoughts, Lance was just easy to be around. They spoke, they argued, they fought, they laughed. Now that he was noticing it, the blossoming warm feeling Keith felt on the training room floor only grew and grew. 

Perhaps Keith had changed more than he expected without knowing it. Not all at once, no, but in small ways. Like how Keith found himself staring at Lance after training exercises. The exercises went about as well as they usually did (which was to say roughly, but improving). Shiro would give them a pep talk, Lance would make a quip about having to actually do something, Hunk would comment on food, and Pidge would say something about the training itself. It would be Lance that Keith responded to. Always Lance. And Shiro would go on until the training began. 

Team work was vital to Keith’s new family. It was a team that had to power Voltron and it was a team that protected their castle, each other, and the rest of the entire universe. The pressure was something Keith had adjusted to. This was what he was meant to do. This was what he wanted to do. Or, that was what all he wanted to do until he found Lance quickly becoming the focus of all his free thoughts. 

“You did that on purpose,” Lance would say, when Keith ‘unconsciously’ bumped into Lance on the training floor. 

Keith would lie and deny it, and Lance would laugh. Keith wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life. 

The thoughts about Lance began to plague Keith in the most of pleasant ways. Keith didn’t know what love felt like but if it felt like this he was certain he understood every stupid romantic plot in the entire universe. He understood the books and songs about love, he understood the elderly couples who held each other’s hands after years and years, and he understood the teens who ran off to get married. He understood all of it and he wanted it more than anything else. 

Keith had been called a great many things. Impulsive. Blunt. Honest. Loyal. Stupid. Foolhardy. Brave. Keith didn’t know if he was any of that, but he did know he trusted himself more than anything else. He trusted his intuition. It had never steered him wrong before. It was his intuition that got him to where he was now. A Paladin of Voltron, pilot of the Red Lion, a defender of the universe. Keith followed his heart and his heart was singing about love. His heart was directing him straight to Lance. 

The decision to confess his affection and love for Lance had honestly been a no brainer. Keith gave himself time to figure out his emotions and he had. Keith loved Lance, simple as that, and if any form of media had taught him anything about love it was that the next step was to confess it. May as well. Lance, as thick as he could be at times, would figure it out eventually. Why wait? Keith wanted there to be more to their relationship. He wanted to speak with Lance freely, to offer him compliments without needing to hide them in some quip. He wanted to touch Lance in more than ways than a handshake in the name of teamwork. He wanted more. 

Keith made the decision to confess in the middle of training alone, which was typically where he did most of his thinking. Very abruptly he left the training room floor, still wet with sweat from his work out. Keith found Lance shortly after with the rest of the team. Everyone was spending time together in the lounge. Hunk and Pidge were reviewing some blueprints Pidge had written up, Shiro standing over their shoulder thoughtfully. Keith paid them no mind. His target was on the sofa with Allura. 

Laughing, with Allura. 

A cold feeling began to rise up in Keith. 

There was nothing between Allura and Lance besides friendship, Keith was certain of that. Allura had been very clear, despite Lance’s continuous flirtation. Lance, for what it was worth, seemed to be joking about it at this point. He was just a lady’s man. 

And yet. 

And yet Keith felt jealous of Allura. It wasn’t because she was competition nor because he thought Lance would pick Allura over him. It was because she was a woman. It was because Lance was a _lady’s man._ Lance flirted with women. Keith had seen it over and over. It was funny, most of the time. Lance always came across as the gigantic douche that he was and the women of the galaxies were brutal and honest with their disdain for it. Having seen Lance’s delightful skills with ladies, Keith wasn’t at all worried that Lance was going to get a girl any time soon. 

And yet. Lance still tried. Lance didn’t try with men. 

Lance didn’t try with Keith. 

Something shifted as Keith walked towards them. His once purposefully stride slowed as the realization that Lance couldn’t possibly want him in the simplest of ways dawned on him. Lance and Allura paused their happy conversation and looked at him, expectantly. Keith’s footsteps stuttered to a stop and he just stared. 

Lance didn’t try with him. Lance didn’t want him. 

Black terror replaced the giddy sunshine in his body. Something unusual came over Keith. Keith who relied heavily on his heart, on his instincts, began to feel doubt. 

What if Lance didn’t love him back? What if Lance didn’t want him? Keith had no evidence to prove otherwise. Keith hadn’t even thought that was a possibility due to his own overwhelming affection. What if Lance was embarrassed? What if he was angry? What if he hated Keith for these feelings? What if Keith ruined their team for this? Ruined Voltron? 

“Earth to Keith? Or, wait. _Castle_ to Keith. Come in Keith,” Lance was saying, unphased by Keith’s sudden change. 

God, he couldn’t even see it. Keith was wrong, he was so wrong. 

“Keith?” Allura said, her eyebrows knitted in concern. She must have caught the look of horror on Keith’s face. Keith closed his eyes and pushed it all out. All the emotions, all the fear and love, all of it. No, this wasn’t who Keith was. His emotions were just.. a lapse in judgement. Not something to be acted upon. Puppy love, maybe. God, Keith could barely deal with people he didn’t like, how was he supposed to deal with love? 

“I, ah. I.” Keith shook his head and looked to Lance. 

Was there concern in those eyes? Keith dared not to seek it. 

“I beat my top score in the training exercise,” Keith said, his voice somehow even. “Which is to say, I doubled yours. Are you even trying?” 

There was only a beat of silence, of tension that something worse had happened. It was destroyed by Lance with a loud, outraged moan. 

“You exercise nut, you’re just trying to show me up,” Lance complained, standing and walking towards Keith. 

Keith wished he wouldn’t. He wished he could ignore how handsome Lance was without even trying. (Or perhaps he did try. Hunk complained about Lance’s beauty routine before. God, his skin looked so soft…) 

“You set the bar so low showing up is showing you up,” Keith replied quietly. Keith nearly winced at how pathetic his tone was. It held about as much bite as a kitten did. Lance didn’t seem to notice, which surprisingly hurt more. 

“Oh, it is so on. Come on, I’m going to wreck your emo a—“ 

Keith, thankfully, never got to actually hear the rest of that sentence out loud. 

Unfortunately, that was because a loud alarm began to signal throughout the castle. Keith didn’t flinch, instead his mood changing. Something was happening that required his attention. Something that needed him not to focus on Lance and his emotional issues surrounding him. 

A distraction was just what he needed and wanted. 

Minutes later, Keith felt a little guilty for taking some comfort in the distraction. The team was all assembled at the bridge as Coran explained the situation. 

“There, just ahead. A transport ship is being forcefully boarded by a group of bandits,” Coran said, touching light screens to enlarge the images of just such a sight. An enormous ship was displayed on the screen. It looked old and clunky, like it was made from large metal boxes long, long ago. All around the cargo ship like flies were smaller ones, shooting blue lasers. A few explosions erupted on the sides and the ships neared the cargo ship. 

“I guess Zarkon isn’t the only vile thing in the universe,” Pidge commented with a scathing tone and a frown. 

“It seems not,” Allura said with a similar scowl. “Can the Castle’s defenses make do for this?” 

“We would risk damaging the ship further, and who knows what state the crew is in,” Coran replied. 

Allura nodded dutifully. “That settles it then. To your Lions. Board the cargo ship and take care of those space bandits immediately.” 

“You heard her,” Shiro chimed, strutting to the center station. “Team Voltron, let’s move.” 

Keith, along with the rest of the young Paladins, chimed in agreement and excitement. It was really like being space cops at times.. No, no. Keith shook the Lance centric phrase form his mind as his elevator took him down. 

Part of Keith wished he could do this mission on his own. There was a part of him that enjoyed working alone. It simply came naturally, or maybe it was habit by that point. The benefits of working alone almost outweighed the benefits of team work. For one, Keith would be the only one in danger. All his teammates (Lance) would be safe. He would also be recognized and praised by his teammates (Lance too, even if it was in his own sassy way.) for accomplishing a difficult task on his own. Everyone craved that. Acceptance. Praise. Acknowledgement. 

Keith wanted that from all his teammates, he told himself. Not just a certain Blue Paladin. 

Keith was taken from his thoughts as he neared his Lion. As he got closer, he noticed something unusual about the sight. Usually, it was just the Red Lion. His Lion. 

This time, however, something was different. It wasn’t until Keith was standing on the Red Lion’s dock that he realized what was changed. 

Transparent crimson hexagons stood between Keith and his Lion. The particle barrier was up. Keith frowned, confused. Sure, the bandits were a danger, but not to the point the Red Lion needed her defenses up, especially inside the castle. 

Keith shrugged it off and walked straight towards the Lion. What he expected to happen was for the particle barrier to dissipate. What actually happened was Keith walking straight into the barrier. 

Keith stumbled back and grabbed at his nose, staring up at the Lion in disbelief. “Wh—what? What are you doing? Let me in.” 

The Red Lion said nothing. 

Keith stepped forward and put his hand against the barrier. 

“Hey. Hey, it’s me. It’s Keith. What are you doing?” 

The Red Lion said nothing. 

“Let me in, hey!” Keith slammed is hand against the barrier. Nothing moved. The Lion didn’t move. The Lion didn’t do anything. 

“What’s your problem? We have to go!” 

Nothing. 

Keith touched his helmet communicator on. “Allura, let down the particle barrier for the Red Lion.” 

There was a moment of silence. Keith opened his mouth to repeat the command but Allura’s delayed answer came first. 

“What? The barrier? What are you talking about?” 

Once again, cold dread slowly started to settle down in Keith. 

“I can’t get to the Red Lion.” 

“What do you mean you can’t get to the Red Lion?” Allura replied, her voice pitched a little higher in alarm. 

Keith took a breath to calm himself and pushed against the barrier again. “I mean, I can’t get past the barrier. Did you do this?” 

“No, of course not. The Lions themselves operate the barrier. It shouldn’t—” 

“Yeah well it is. What do I do?” Allura would know how to fix it. She knew everything about the Lions, about Voltron. 

There was another pause. “I don’t know, Keith.” 

For the second time that day, fear of rejection flooded Keith’s entire body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all for reading :3 This is my first fic, please be kind TwT Will update soon :3
> 
> Shout out to my editor, CLD! You're the best :D (even with your dumb puns)


	2. Chapter 2

Keith leaned against the main console on the bridge, his arms crossed, a scowl on his face. The battle with the bandits was over and his team was assembling again on the bridge, giving the finer details of what had happened. Or rather, Shiro was quietly explaining to Allura what happened while everyone, Allura included, stared at Keith. 

Well. This was shitty. 

Naturally, it was Lance that addressed the elephant in the room. Part of Keith was delighted at the recognition. Another part of Keith wanted to flee because of it. Another part of Keith wanted to throw up. 

“Probably would have gone a little faster if we had a particularly tiny red lion to scare them off,” Lance said loudly as Shiro finished up the report. 

Keith didn’t respond. To be quite honest, Keith didn’t know how to respond. Allura had inspected Keith’s Lion only minutes before and she found herself at a loss. 

“It isn’t rejecting you,” Allura had stated to Keith when Keith began to panic in the red themed dock. “You would know if it was. It’s almost as if…it’s ignoring you.” Allura said it with such confusion and almost awe that Keith didn’t know what to think. 

“What happened back there?” Shiro asked, bringing Keith back to the present. His voice held much less mocking than Lance’s voice. There was concern in Shiro’s voice. Keith found the emotion comforting because with Shiro it wasn’t just concern for the team. It was concern for Keith as well. Keith certainly needed that from someone at that moment. 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just. She locked me out.” 

Shiro exchanged a look with Allura that Keith did not miss. 

“Wait, they can do that?” Pidge asked, surprised. Sher looked to Allura with alarm clear on her face. “They can lock us out of them?” 

“That’s never happened to me,” Hunk pointed out, sounding more skeptical than alarmed. 

“Me neither. But ol’ Blue and I go waaaay back,” Lance boasted, but Keith saw it for what it was—he was trying to lighten the mood. For who, Keith wondered. He selfishly hoped it was for himself. 

“It isn’t really something common to hear about,” Allura said slowly. “Not with your Lions. The other Lions aren’t as.. Picky I suppose. The Red Lion is temperamental, as I have said. It is instinctual and volatile. I can only assume you have done something to upset it.” 

“Well I _didn’t_ ,” Keith bit back immediately, facing the group. He could do without the concerned looks. “She just started to ignore me. I haven’t done anything differently.” 

Allura gave him a sympathetic look. “Are you certain you are being true to yourself?” 

Keith opened his mouth to reply to bite out a ‘yes’ but Lance caught his eye. The roller coaster of emotions struck him again and suddenly he wasn’t so sure of his answer. 

.. No. No, that couldn’t be it. 

“Yes,” he hissed out, his hands dropping to his sides. “Nothing has changed. She’s just, glitching or something, _I don’t know_. I haven’t done anything.” 

“There’s no need to get worked up, Keith. We only want to figure out what the problem is so we can get it fixed as soon as possible,” Shiro chided lightly, playing peace keeper as always. It only served to make Keith angrier. They didn’t understand. They didn’t have their Lions lock up on them. They weren’t in love with someone that wouldn’t love them back. They didn’t know anything. 

“It isn’t me. It just— _whatever_. I’m going to the training room,” he growled before anyone else could ask him about his feelings or what he must have done wrong. He stomped past everyone, not missing Pidge’s “I guess Red’s not the only temperamental one” remark on his way out. 

Keith went straight to the training room and walked right past it. Honestly, he intended on going to work off his anger physically as he typically tried to do but the walk calmed him enough to start fretting about what Allura said. 

Was Keith being true to himself? 

The short answer was no. He wasn’t. He loved Lance-- Keith felt such warmth just thinking about him, even with the crushing disappointment that this love was one sided. He wanted to laugh with him, fight with him, hold him, kiss him. He wanted so much, and he did nothing. He didn’t speak about it, he didn’t act on it at all. That wasn’t him. Keith was a man of action and he had taken none when he should have taken them all. 

But the risk was too great. It wouldn’t end well, this silly crush. It was just a crush. It wasn’t important. Certainly not important enough for Red to ignore him. What if someone got hurt on that mission because Keith hadn’t been there? What if it had been one of his teammates (Lance)? 

The circling thoughts of doubt were what led him back to the Red Lion. Disappointingly, the particle barrier was still up. Keith glared at her. 

“You are supposed to listen to me.” 

“I’m your Paladin.” 

“We’re partners, you can’t just ignore me like this.” 

“Let the barrier down.” 

“Let me in.” 

“ _Red._ ” 

“RED!” 

“Listen, just. Please. For me. For the team. We’re letting them down.” _I’m letting them down._

Keith stood in silence for a long time before he found the courage to ask the question that led him to the Lion. 

“Is this-- ...Are you doing this because of Lance? Because of my feelings for him?” 

The particle barrier shimmered and shifted suddenly before resuming its stationary position. 

Keith ran away from the Red Lion faster than he had ever run from anything before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter and slow update~ We'll get to some action next chapter ;3
> 
> Another shout out to CLD and Branbean for editing <3 <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise... I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me... 
> 
> Sorry for the late update everyone! I've had a seriously busy past few months and finding the motivation for this was a little hard. BUT we're back into the swing things so hopefully we can finish this fic off soon. :) For now, here's a bigger chapter than the last two. Thank you for your comments and kudos!

The days that followed the Red Lion’s inconvenient and frankly frightening lock out had not been the easiest on Keith. After his initial reaction of running away from Red, he made his way straight to Allura. This problem needed to be fixed and it needed to be fixed now. Allura was one of the few people in the universe who knew anything about the Lions and she was Keith’s best bet to figure out how to fix everything. 

“I’m sorry, Keith,” Allura said when Keith nearly begged her to follow him back to the Red Lion’s hangar. She stood in front of the Red Lion as she had before, her hand on the barrier between them. 

“There’s got to be something,” Keith urged, pacing behind her. Keith couldn’t remember a time he had been more worked up. “A button I pressed wrong, or, or a programing glitch,” Keith rambled, certain what he was saying was completely foolish. Surely Sentient Space Robot Lions didn’t break from a simple button press. 

Allura turned to watch Keith and his frantic pacing. “Keith, please calm down, there’s no reason to be afrai—” 

Keith stopped in his tracks and glared at her “I’m not afraid!” he hissed immediately, but that was a blatantly lie. There were plenty of frightening situations he had gotten himself into recently; fighting the dictator of the majority the known universe, piloting a sentient robot to fight said dictator, exploring planets and galaxies he had never dreamed of… none of that compared to sinking feeling of all of that being stolen from him because of a ridiculous infatuation with one of the other four humans on this side of the universe. 

Keith cleared his throat and stood a little straighter when he saw Allura looking at him, not in anger at his outburst, but with a calm understanding. That kind gaze somehow made him feel much worse. 

“I don’t like being stranded here. I’m useless like this,” Keith went on, his voice straighter and calmer than before. 

“You are not useless, Keith,” Allura said gently in reply. She folded her hands in front of her neatly and nodded back at the Lion. “You are still the Red Paladin. This situation is a hindrance, yes, but it isn’t anything you can’t overcome, Keith. The Red Lion chose you. Don’t forget that.” 

Keith looked away, his arms crossed. “And what if she changes her mind?” 

Allura chortled. “The Red Lion might be finicky, but the Red Lion is resolute. And stubborn,” she added with a wink. “It will not throw you away.” 

Allura turned back to the Lion. “That said, if you have any idea why it is acting like this, I hope you know you can share it with me.” 

Keith pursed his lips and looked at the Lion as well. This was about Lance. This was about his feelings for Lance. Keith wasn’t even sure in what capacity it upset Red. Maybe Red didn’t want Keith to have any sort of crush. They were space warriors after all—they certainly didn’t have time for love. However, knowing what Keith did about the Red Lion, that likely wasn’t the issue. Keith knew Red wasn’t practical. She was instinctual, like Keith. Keith had ignored his instincts, and now Red was ignoring Keith. 

Of course, Keith could never, ever ever _ever_ , admit this to the Princess. 

“I don’t know,” he lied quietly. 

“Are you sure?” Allura pressed, looking at him. Her voice had a sort of prompting that Keith didn’t expect, like she was a mother waiting for her child to admit they had done something wrong. “There’s nothing you want to share with me? Nothing at all?” 

Keith glared at her, feeling a little exposed. “Nothing,” he insisted, but he began to wonder if something was giving him away. 

The two stared at each other for a moment. Allura gave up their staring contest first and gave Keith a smile. “If you ever need to talk about anything Keith, anything at all, please don’t hesitate to speak with me. But for now… I strongly believe that whatever it is that has the Red Lion acting like this, it is something you have to solve yourself.” 

Keith distractedly tugged on the ends of his hair, avoiding Allura’s gaze. “Yeah,” he murmured in agreement. “I guess so.” 

Allura departed after that, wishing Keith good luck before she left Keith on his own. Keith didn’t think it was a matter of luck, though. After a few long minutes, when he was sure it was just him and the Lion, Keith began to speak. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” Keith said. He began to pace again. “Sure, it’s about— _him_. But what difference does it make? We have a job to do.” 

The Red Lion said nothing. 

“You know, saving the universe? The thing you were made to do? Who cares about Lance! You can’t just ignore our job over some stupid emotions. That’s ridiculous!” 

_No more ridiculous than shouting at a robot in space,_ Keith commented to himself inwardly. 

“What would you have me do? Tell him?” Keith asked, hoping for some sort of sign, but the Lion and its barrier were resolute and still. “That’d go over great. He’d just laugh at me. Or be disgusted with me,” Keith said, bitter and quiet. “Then again, he’s got experience with giving unwanted affection to people. Maybe he’d understand. Or throw me out the airlock. Or mock me forever. I can see it already. _‘You broke your Lion because you love me soooo much? Aw, Mullet, get in line!’_ ” 

Unsurprisingly, the Red Lion said nothing to this either. 

Keith’s pacing slowed and he crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes on the tiled floor below him. “He could get mad. They should be mad about it, really. All of them,” he said somberly. “Something so stupid is preventing me from helping them. From forming Voltron—something so small is stopping the greatest weapon ever created.” And yet, as small as he liked to call it, Keith couldn’t imagine admitting his love to Lance. The terror that filled him at the thought was far more than any fear he felt for anything else. It would only make things worse. 

“I can’t do anything like this,” he muttered. “A Paladin of Voltron… What a joke that is. I’m nothing without you. Just some idiot with a sword.” 

The Red Lion said nothing. 

“…Are you even listening to me? I’m trying to have a moment here.” 

The Red Lion said nothing. 

Keith groaned and finally sat down, his back to the Red Lion. It was petty but Keith didn’t want to give Red his full attention if she refused to give him hers. 

“I’m not going to tell him,” he said after minutes and minutes of silence and thinking. “I just, I can’t. It’ll mess everything up more. It’ll mess me up more than it already has. They’ll all just be angry, and Lance… Lance will never love me back. There’s no point in telling him. I have his friendship, that’s enough for me.” 

Part of Keith was glad that Red couldn’t speak because if the Lion could, Keith was certain she would call him out on such a big lie right then and there. 

For hours, Keith sat in his hanger with Red, speaking mostly to himself and trying to figure out what to do that would please Red. The obvious answer was to admit his feelings for Lance but Keith couldn’t do that. He was convinced that one, he would be rejected, and two, it would ruin the team completely. At least if he remained silent Keith was still a paladin. Admitting he was in love was a sure-fire way to get him on a pod straight back to Earth. There was no room for love in war. 

After thoroughly convincing himself that coming clean wasn’t the answer, that still left the problem of Red ignoring him. Keith could admit that Red was doing it because Keith wasn’t being true to himself. Allura was right in saying that, at least. So that left only one solution. 

“I just won’t love him anymore,” Keith said aloud, putting his arms out in a shrug. “That’s it. I’m done. I’m already over it.” 

The Red Lion said nothing. 

Keith knew it would take a little more convincing than that. He stood up and looked to Red. “Okay, maybe easier said than done. But I won’t love him anymore. I’ll just, stop. It’s not like he’s that great anyway.” 

An uneasy feeling settled in Keith’s stomach but he ignored it. He had to do this. But saying something was far easier than doing something. Keith nodded to himself, steeled his resolve, and left the hanger. 

  
  


Plan ‘Fall Out Of Love’ was a bit harder to initiate than Keith originally planned. Keith never had to reject someone before, nonetheless someone he wasn’t actually romantically involved with. He didn’t know where to start but he did know he couldn’t stand around in the hangar all day hoping for something to change. Keith was a man of action and he was well over do for some action. And with that, Plan A was formed: To stop loving Lance, all Keith had to do was ignore him until the feelings went away. 

Keith found himself in the dining room soon after he left the hanger. Most of the day, when they weren’t training together or fighting off aliens, the paladins were left to their own devices. They had, however, all silently agreed to eat their evening meals together. There was nothing quite like a ‘family dinner’ to fight off the vast loneliness of space. It wasn’t required but even Keith found the company pleasant.

Most of his teammates were already there, sitting around in their usual spots. Shiro, Pidge, and Lance were already seated while Allura, Coran, and Hunk could be heard arguing in the kitchen adjacent to the dining room (Keith thought he could hear Hunk go on about the need for presentation with their food goo). Keith steeled himself and walked in, doing his best to pretend everything was just fine. 

Unfortunately, his teammates didn’t seem to want to pretend everything was normal. Their conversation died down the moment Keith was noticed. Keith kept calm, appearing to be unphased by their reaction to his presence, and took a seat beside Pidge. Typically, Keith took the seat between Shiro and Lance. Given the situation, Keith knew that wasn’t going to happen again any time soon, if ever again. 

“Hey Keith,” Shiro greeted, sounding a little surprised. Keith didn’t know why—Keith was attending the dinner like he usually did. Then again, his usual schedule had been mostly replaced with pacing in his hangar since the Red Lion incident. 

“Hey,” he replied, trying not to sound as awkward as he felt. He kept his eyes on Shiro or the empty plate in front of him. All he had to do was pretend Lance didn’t exist. Perhaps sitting across from him wasn’t the best plan of action for that in hindsight. 

A beat of silence passed. 

“So, ho—“ Shiro started before he was interrupted by Lance. 

“Fix your Lion yet?” he asked bluntly. 

Keith felt his face heat up a little and he couldn’t help but glare up at Lance. Damn his stupid loud voice. 

“Red isn’t broken,” Keith snapped in reply. 

Lance leaned back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest. “Uh huh. So you just don’t want to pilot Red then, since she’s clearly not broken.” 

“Shut up, Lance, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Keith replied, hating himself for breaking down and engaging with Lance far quicker than he thought he would. Keith really thought he would have held out for at least a goddamn minute. 

“That’s never stopped me before,” Lance said, and damn it, Keith couldn’t help a small twitch of a smile on his lips despite how frustrated he was. Even in the face of something terrifying and unknown, Lance effortlessly broke the tension. “Have you tried unplugging and plugging it back in?” 

“Where exactly do you suggest I plug it in?” Keith asked flatly. 

“The tail, obviously.” 

“Right. And where are the giant lion tail sized plug ins?” 

“Listen, Mullet, if I knew all the answers, I’d be the leader. So. Shiro?” 

Shiro leaned back in his chair and put his hands up. There was an amused expression on his face. “Don’t bring me into this.” 

“You both are idiots,” Pidge said, balancing her spoon on the table. “This is a highly advanced space ship with even more advanced magic space lions. They wouldn’t need to be plugged in.” 

“Ohh, I see what you’re saying,” Lance said with a knowing look in his eyes. He leaned forward and pointed his spoon at Keith. “The space ship is like that dock thing back on Earth. You know, you put your phone on it and it charges, right?” 

Pidge looked up, a brow raised. “That is not at all what I’m saying, no.” 

“Maybe the dock is broken. Keith, stop breaking everything.” 

“I didn’t break anything!” 

And _damn it,_ Keith smiled. Despite all the tension and misery the situation with Red was causing him, he couldn’t help but fall into a sense of safety and comfort with Lance’s witty banter. For a little while, it didn’t feel so bad to have Red ignoring him. Keith was still a paladin, he was still a part of the team. 

After dinner, Keith decided that ignoring Lance wasn’t going to make the warm feelings disappear. Partly because he just couldn’t ignore Lance. Lance just couldn’t _be_ ignored. He was too loud and colorful for that. And in a few short minutes, Lance ruined Plan A of the ‘Fall Out Of Love’ plan, but honestly, thinking back on it now, Keith knew Plan A never stood a chance. 

  
  


The next morning, Keith came up with Plan B. If ignoring Lance wasn’t going to work, Keith would just have to learn to hate him again. Of course, Keith didn’t honestly ever hate Lance to begin with. Sure, he thought Lance was very, very annoying when they first met (or at least, when they met again when Keith saved Shiro. Keith vaguely recalled Lance from before that). Lance had been a terrible pilot and didn’t take anything seriously, no matter the danger they were in. At some point, Keith found the latter charming. There was something pleasant about having someone who could find it in themselves to be comical when everything seemed so serious. Lance was the person that made saving the universe seem attainable, even if his confident banter was fake a majority of the time. 

But now was not the time to appreciate Lance’s finer qualities. Keith repeated this to himself as he left his room that morning, seeking Lance out. This time, Keith wasn’t going to ignore him. He was, however, going to see him for every bit of annoying he was. 

Keith found Lance in the lounge, lounging. Upside down. With just a little bit of his stomach poking out from his shirt. Keith’s eyes lingered on that patch of skin before reminding himself what he was here to do. 

“Well well well, if it isn’t our resident grumpy cat,” Lance said in greeting. He didn’t look up from the holographic pad he was reading from—Altean words from what Keith could see. Lance always did put in effort to better himself where Keith spent a lot of his time just winging it. It was an admirable trait… that Keith promptly pushed to the back of his mind. If Lance actually had an ounce of talent, then he wouldn’t need to practice and study so much. The uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach again. 

“How’d charging Red go?” Lance went on, his eyes glancing up at Keith. 

“You know that’s not the problem,” Keith replied shortly, sitting across from Lance; a tactful move that Keith told himself he was fine with. “It was a stupid suggestion.” 

Lance scoffed and looked back at the holographic pad. “Better than any suggestions anyone else comes up with. _Oh Keith_ ,” Lance said in a mocking high voice, “ _Are you being true to your heart?_ ” Lance chuckled. “Please. There’s no one in the universe as headstrong as you.” 

Keith clenched his jaw, feeling shame wash over him. Well, Lance was an idiot and this just proved it. The thought brought him no pleasure. 

“Excuse me?” Keith said it far quicker than he meant to. 

“You heard me. You’re _Mister Follows His Heart_. I bet you’d punch Zarkon right in his face if the thought occurred to you.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Keith said in reply, unsure what else he could say without giving away what he knew to be true about the situation his stupid heart had caused. 

“Uh huh, sure,” Lance replied, flicking the screen in front of him and scrolling down. “All I’m sayin’ is Allura is waaaaay off base. You’re the kinda guy that has a thought and follows through with it, no matter how stupid--” 

“Thanks,” Keith said flatly. 

“—so it can’t be like, a ‘follow your heart’ problem. That’s just not who you are, buddy.” 

Lance said it so matter-of-factly that Keith started to feel guilty for him being completely wrong. For a moment, he wondered if Red and Lance would get along. Clearly they both had this idea of Keith that Keith failed to pull off. 

“ _So!_ The problem has to be technical. I guess battery power is sort of a silly—if the Lions didn’t die in the past ten thousand years, why would they go out now? I bet Pidge could—Hey, where are you going?” Lance rambled, stopping whenKeith stood to leave. 

“I didn’t come here to hear you babble about something you know nothing about,” Keith replied hotly. As true as that was, the real reason was Keith just had enough of Lance trying to help him when Lance was the problem. It was kind of Lance, and honestly just like him. He was a problem solver. Keith didn’t even need to ask for help and Lance was there, trying to brainstorm a solution for the problem that clearly had Keith in a bad way. How was Keith supposed to hate someone so friendly? 

“Whoa, dude, I’m just trying to help,” Lance said, sounding almost hurt. Keith forced himself to ignore it. 

“I didn’t ask for your help,” Keith snapped. 

Lance rolled his eyes and laid back down on the sofa. “Whatever. You know you don’t need to lone wolf it on everything. We’re a team. You know we’re here for you, right?” Lance paused for a moment before looking past the thin blue screen in front of him. “I’m here for you too.” 

Keith paused to watch Lance. It was ridiculous to hear something so comforting from someone who was still upside down like a kid playing on the sofa. As ridiculous as it was, it hurt far more. The affection such a small phrase inspired in him made him want to throw up because he knew Lance did mean it, but he meant it as a teammate. As a friend. For the life of him, Keith couldn’t remember what it was like to dislike Lance. He was competitive and arrogant and cocky and Keith adored him. All Keith wanted to do in that moment was to sit beside him, upside down, their sides touching. He wanted to brainstorm with Lance, to hear his farfetched ideas and his sincere ones. He wanted to take comfort from Lance. The very last thing he could possibly do was to hate someone he wanted so much to be with. 

Keith simply couldn’t hate Lance. It was more likely Red would give up ignoring Keith than for Keith to learn to hate Lance. 

So Keith left Lance without a word, without a quip or a thank you. Lance called after with a bathroom joke that, if Keith hadn’t happened to be fighting inner turmoil, would have made him laugh. Plan B was officially dead. If Keith couldn’t hate Lance, there was only one solution left. Lance needed to hate Keith. 

  
  


Plan C was by far the worst plan, but Keith felt as though he were running out of time. The longer Red ignored him, the closer they were to their next battle. It was only a matter of time before Zarkon attacked or they came across another bunch of space bandits that needed taken care of. The plan made sense—if Lance truly hated Keith, the Red Lion would see there was no point in Keith admitting his feelings, and Red would give up. Easy as that. They didn’t need to like each other to still be teammates after all. 

It was the only idea Keith had left. The last resort. 

Keith had never gone out of his way to piss someone off before. Usually he just wanted to be left alone—negative or positive feelings towards anyone didn’t matter when one was alone. However, Keith was certain he knew just how to do it. The problem with becoming closer to someone was they opened up. Team Voltron knew each other well; they had to if they wanted to form Voltron. All their strengths and all their weaknesses were apparent to one another. This was why Keith knew exactly where to push to hurt Lance. 

On the training room, all five of the Paladins gathered for training practice. 

“Just because we’re a little shorthanded right now doesn’t mean we can’t get some practice in,” Shiro said confidently. Keith tried not to take offense. Privately, a bitter part of him thought they should train without him. It was practical to train with what they actually had to work with in a real battle but Keith supposed that was why they were on the training deck and not practicing in their Lions that day. 

The training started out with simple sparring bot simulation. One sparring bot appeared and together, the team took it out. Then two appeared, then three. The point of the exercise was to teach teamwork when dealing with hordes of enemies. The Galra army was massive and should the team ever be stuck in a battle with a swarm of them, they needed to know how to watch each other’s backs. This time, the bots were set at a low battle level. It was the numbers they were fighting against. 

After five of the bots appeared, Keith made his move. He ducked in, defeating the sparring bot in front of Lance before the Blue Paladin had a chance to strike. 

“Keep up,” Keith snapped. Keith didn’t miss the startled look Lance gave him at the comment. Typically, it was Lance who challenged Keith, not the other way around. Typically, Keith didn’t sound so angry either. Lance stammered out a delayed retort and the training continued. 

Round five was won and round six started. Keith continued to step in and defeat Lance’s targets before Lance had a chance to do much. From the outside perspective, it looked as if Lance wasn’t even trying. Each time, Keith called him out on it. 

“You’re being too slow.” 

“Focus Lance!” 

“Do I have to do this for you?” 

It wasn’t very long at all before Lance got flustered and began to make mistakes. He would rush to attack and miss, he would get lost in the battle field and hesitate to attack, indecisive and nervous. Keith didn’t let up on his comments. 

“What are you doing?! Watch Hunk’s back!” 

“Move it!” 

“Are you trying to get hit?” 

Every time Keith spoke, his chest hurt more and more. His stomach twisted with a sick feeling when he saw a flash of Lance’s panicked expression through the glass of his helmet. Each word Keith regretted but he had to do it. This was for Voltron, he told himself. This was for Red. 

By the time they were on round twelve, Keith didn’t need to step in to sabotage Lance any more. The Blue Paladin was a mess. Lance was not holding his own. He stuck close to Hunk, frantically shooting any incoming targets he could and pathetically missing them. _You can do better than this,_ Keith thought as he watched Lance missed a single sparring bot three times. Regret laid heavily on Keith but he had to do this. He repeated it to himself over and over. 

They were on round twenty-two when everything fell apart. Lance missed several the bots and soon they were too close for him to aim correctly at all. He panicked and tried to fall back, only to slam into Hunk and knock him down. The blow caused a chain reaction—Hunk fired his weapon and hit a bot, sending it into Shiro who jumped and stumbled to try and avoid taking Pidge down with him. The sparring bots descended upon the fallen Yellow and Blue Paladin—they didn’t stand a chance alone. Keith made no move to save them. 

Shiro was the first to recognize their failure—it wasn’t exactly hard to notice when Hunk and Lance began to shoot and pathetically kick at the bots surrounding them. 

“End the training!” Shiro shouted. Only a second ticked by before the bots stopped their attack and retreated. Soon only sounds of their heavy breathing and the clunk clunk of the retreating bots filled the large room. 

“Lance, buddy, ar—“ Hunk started to say, sitting up enough to put his arm around Lance’s shoulder. Lance stared at the floor in front of him, his Bayard tight in his grip. 

“What was that?!” Keith panted, glaring at the two on the floor. His stomach twisted painfully when Lance looked up with the expression of a wounded puppy. “What were you doing out there?” 

“I, I,” Lance stammered, looking at his Bayard as if it was the reason for his shoddy performance. 

“You’re going to get us all killed fighting like that!” Keith pushed. 

“Keith,” Shiro interrupted. His voice was firm and commanding, a clear ‘stop’ from his tone, but Keith knew it wasn’t the time to stop. 

“Do you think this is some kind of game?” Keith berated as Hunk helped Lance stand. Lance was glaring at Keith at this point. “Take something serious for once in your life!” 

“I wasn’t—“ Lance started, pulling his helmet off. 

“What good are you if you can’t even take on a few measly bots?” 

“What? I can, I just—“” 

“Just what? Didn’t feel like watching out for your team today?” Keith asked patronizingly. “You were completely useless, Lance, what’s wrong with you?” 

“Keith!” This time it was Hunk who shouted his name. Keith started, but he couldn’t look away from Lance. Lance’s expression went from wounded to steely and emotionless. It wasn’t a look Keith wanted to see from Lance. 

“That’s enough,” Shiro said, tugging Keith back a pace. “What’s gotten into you? Lance was doing fine.” 

Keith snorted. “What fight were you watching?” 

“ _Keith,_ ” Shiro repeated, his tone more surprised than anything else. 

“No. He’s got a point,” Lance said. The room fell silent. Lance walked up to Keith, staring at him with a look of cold fury in his eyes that Keith didn’t think he was ever going to forget. “I need to step up my game if we’re going to be short a paladin.” 

Keith clenched his teeth, somehow managing not to flinch at the biting comment. Before Keith could think of something to say in return, Lance shoved his helmet into Keith’s hands before turning around and leaving the group. 

Silence hung in air for a tick. “ _Dude,_ ” Hunk said quietly, shaking his head at Keith before departing, jogging to catch up to Lance. Keith couldn’t bring himself to look after them. Instead he looked at the blue helmet in his hands. 

“Ah, I’m going to, er.” Pidge pointed to the door before leaving, not waiting to be dismissed by Shiro. Shiro watched her go before giving Keith his full attention. 

“Keith.” Keith didn’t look up. “ _Keith,_ buddy, I know you’re stressed right now but that. That was unacceptable. Keith.” Shiro reached out to touch Keith’s shoulder but Keith stepped back before he could make contact. 

Keith didn’t defend himself. He knew what he did was wrong, it was why he did it in the first place. And it worked, he thought to himself dejectedly. That look in Lance’s eyes was surely hate. Keith felt hollow at the victory. 

“Keith, please. You can’t act like this. We’re not the enemy. I know the situation with Red has you upset but it will work out. I promise, we’ll figure something out.” 

Keith said nothing. What was he supposed to say? At least he could use stress as an excuse, even if it was a shitty one. Explaining himself wasn’t an option so he just let Shiro think what he wanted to. 

Shiro sighed and patted Keith’s back. This time, Keith didn’t pull away. “Go get some rest. We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” he said. Judging by his tone, Keith didn’t think he was lying. He wondered what Shiro was going to say that could possibly make any difference. 

  
  


Keith returned to the Red Lion after the disaster of the training session was over. With a heavy, disappointed feeling weighing him down, Keith saw the red barrier was still there, steady as ever. Keith was beginning to hate that shade of crimson. Plan C had failed and the only thing he got out of it was Lance hating him and his team thinking he was the biggest dick in the universe. Which, after what he had done, he couldn’t help but agree. Sighing to himself, he put the blue helmet on the floor before taking his off and setting it down near the blue one. Keith walked up to the barrier, putting his hand on it and staring through it at the floor. Steady as ever, he thought after giving it a small push. Everything he had done was pointless. 

Keith mentally tore up the words ‘Plan; Fall Out of Love’. That was never going to happen. How was he supposed to release himself of this ridiculous crush when in his mind he already referred to it as love? Keith felt sick to his stomach, dizzy with the feeling of failing and the fear of having no direction. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” Keith muttered to the Lion. “If I had a chance before I certainly don’t now.” 

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t need him to love me to be happy.” 

“I don’t need anyone to be happy, got it? Not Lance, not the team. I was doing just fine on my own.” 

“Do you want me to just quit then? Make them take me back to Earth and find you some other pilot?” 

“What do you want from me?!” 

The Red Lion said nothing and Keith sunk to his knees. 

“I’m not going to tell him,” he said softly. “I can’t. He already hates me now. If he doesn’t, then he definitely should at least. I don’t deserve to be on this team.” 

“I’ve ruined it all, haven’t I?” 

In that moment, Keith didn’t care that Red was mad at him. The only thing he could bring himself to care about was Lance and the hateful look in his face that Keith so rightfully deserved to see. It stung more than Red’s rejection every could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading ^^
> 
> Shout out to Branbean for being my beta!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They call me the Forever Warrior... because it takes me Forever™ to update ;;; Thank you for your patience and comments and kudos! Getting them really helps motivate me to continue this. There's still another chapter or two in the works and with any luck I'll have them up before four months have passed! Cx 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

The days passed in a blur for Keith. A vast majority of his time was spent in his hanger, rambling to the Red Lion, trying to find the right words that would lower that damned crimson barrier between them. In the days that passed, the barrier was steady and solid, having not moved since it shifted to say that, _yes, Keith, you idiot, your stupid crush is the reason I’m ignoring you, deal with it._ Nothing Keith said worked, but Keith didn’t expect it to any more. He knew the only way to get Red to open up to him and he had already burned that bridge; violently and completely.

It had been nearly a week since the Red Lion’s lock down when the Castle of Lions was attacked. As it turned out, the bandits the team had scared off days ago had friends. Many, many friends. Friends that were quite angry about the attack on their raiding party. Friends that had many skilled pilots and many weapons.  
Keith spent most the battle screaming at Red, demanding to be let in, pleading to let him go save his friends, promising it'd only be this one time, just this once, Red, just this once.

The Red Lion did not respond.

The battle ended with the team fleeing. The four lions did their best and Allura helped as much as she could with the castle’s defense systems, but they were no match for the fleet of bandits that were clearly out for blood. Keith joined Allura and Coran at the bridge after a hasty retreat, just in time to see his teammates arrive. His throat was sore, his hands in tense, quaking fists as he saw the paladins file in. The sight of them only made his shaking worse.

Shiro took the biggest beating in the battle. The selfless leader took a great many hits, covering what Keith should have been there to cover. He was limping slightly, looking as tense as Keith felt and trying not to show it. Hunk looked dizzy, sitting down the second he reached his seat and putting his hand on his face. Pidge looked worn and alarmed, frazzled despite the battle being over.

And Lance. Lance had a cut on his face from being knocked around too roughly by the opposing war ships. He joined Hunk, sitting on the arm of his chair and rubbing the back of his neck. Keith couldn’t bring himself to look at Lance for long. Keith couldn’t bring himself to look at any of them for long.

“Ah, well. We survived and successfully sent them running,” Shiro said tiredly as he took off his helmet. His voice didn’t hold a convincing tone.

“Sent them running?” Hunk repeated, leaning up from his seat to stare at Shiro. He waved an arm to the windows around them. “What battle were you fighting? We were the ones running, and there’s no way we would have gotten out without Allura and the castle! Thanks by the way,” Hunk added, looking to Allura. She gave him a tired smile.

Shiro inclined his head lightly. “So it didn’t go as smoothly as we might have hoped, but we all made it out al—”

“Our formations were a disaster,” Pidge interrupted. “We can’t fight like this, we don’t have enough practice like…this.” No one missed the quick glance Pidge sent Keith’s way.  
The room fell silent for a long couple of ticks.

“We will just go away from this area until we can practice or find a solution to the issue at hand,” Allura said, confident and calm.

“Ah, well. This area seems to be riddled with those bandits,” Coran said. He was at the console, running through screens of the planets they had passed. “We’ve been sticking around since the Galra don’t appear to have conquered this area yet. No idea if we’ll find a safer place to be.”

“The universe is big, we’ll find a spot,” Allura assured him.

“But.” Hunk frowned. “What about the people here?” Allura didn’t have an immediate response for that. “I mean, if the bandits have that many soldiers to attack us, just to steal, they can’t be better than the Galra. We can’t just leave them undefended.”

“Hunk’s right. We can’t just run away,” Shiro sighed, shifting on his feet. “Even if we can find a safe place to be, there’s no telling how much damage the bandits will cause. Especially if they suspect any of the planets here of harboring us. We have to do something about them.”

Allura pursed her lips, thoughtful. “While I do agree with you, Shiro, it’s going to be very difficult to do such a thing without Voltron to aid us.”

Again, the silence. Keith hated that silence.

“We have to get the Red Lion piloted again,” Shiro said into the silence.

Keith didn’t miss the phrasing. Apparently, no one else did either. Keith felt the eyes of his team on him and he finally looked up. They were watching him for his reaction. Keith felt numb. He said the only thing he could think to say, the thing surely everyone else was thinking.

“If I can’t pilot Red any more, you have to find a replacement. Sooner, rather than later.” Somehow Keith managed to keep his voice even and diplomatic, as if giving up his spot as a paladin wasn’t ripping his heart to pieces.

“Keith.” Keith almost flinched when he heard Lance’s broke voice say his name. Keith didn’t move his gaze from Shiro and Allura.

“A replacement?” Pidge questioned.

“Keith, we aren’t going—” Shiro started to say but Keith put his hand up. He wasn’t running from this issue any more.

“This isn’t about me. Or you, or any of us. Voltron needs all five lions and if can’t pilot mine.. If I can’t pilot Red anymore, you have to find someone else to do it.”

“Keith,” Allura said gently, walking over to Keith. Again, Keith’s eyes were on the floor. The look of pity on her face was more than he could handle. “There isn’t a guarantee we can find another Red Paladin to replace you,” she said softly. “The Lion’s choice and bond, they are strong. Whatever is going on, it will pass.” Keith wondered if she actually believed that. At this point, he didn’t believe it himself.

“Sure, maybe it will,” he replied with a shrug. “But it didn’t pass in time for this last battle. It might not pass before the next. We—You can’t do your jobs with me. You can’t defend the universe, you can’t even fight off some bandits!”

“Keith, this isn’t your fault,” Shiro said immediately, walking up to Keith and reaching out to touch him. Keith stepped away, unable to keep an even face any more. Days of worry and regret were bringing him down. Trying to be noble and do the right thing was hard enough without their constant understanding and kindness. He wished for once they would just blame him as much as he blamed himself. They would if they knew, he told himself bitterly.

“ _Yes,_ ” he hissed. “It is. You all got hurt because I couldn’t be there.”

“Keith, enough.” Shiro’s voice was firm. This time when he reached out he didn’t let Keith push him away. The heavy, cold metal arm held his shoulder and Keith forced himself to look at Shiro. Just beyond the black paladin, Keith could see Lance standing, staring at them. Everyone was staring at them. “Whatever is happening will pass. I know you didn’t want this to happen— everyone knows this isn’t something you can control. It will pass.”

Keith wanted to hit Shiro. Wasn’t something he could control? But he could. Or he would have been able to before, if he hadn’t been a coward and made Lance hate him. Lance hadn’t said a single word to Keith for days up until a few minutes ago. Keith had the opportunity to fix it and he lost it. He lost his position as a paladin, he lost his meaning to be there at all. It was only a matter of time before everyone else gave up too and Keith would sneer at Shiro for his faith that everything would work out, for his faith in Keith.  
Keith said nothing to Shiro, though. Instead, he stepped away, staring at the ground bitterly. Shiro sighed and let his arm drop.

“I think that’s enough for today,” Shiro said calmly. “We’ve had a long day. For now, we’re alright. That’s enough. Everyone, get some rest. We’ll figure out a plan tomorrow, alright?”

There were murmurs but no one really said anything in agreement. Keith was silent. What could he say anyway? He wasn’t exactly relevant to this mess any more.  
Keith left the room first. He certainly didn’t have any reason to stay and he couldn’t stand being around the other paladins and their pity and worry and fear. More than that, Keith couldn’t stand seeing them hurt. What if they were attacked again soon? What if the bandits didn’t let them get away so easily next time?

 

Keith found himself standing in front of the Red Lion shortly after he left the bridge. The calm, political part of him that had been falling apart in the bridge was gone. Keith stood, shaking with rage. He began to scream. Every ounce of regret and anger and sorrow left his body in hateful, emotional shouts. He demanded Red let him in. He refused his love for Lance. He insulted Red with every bad word he knew. Over and over, he screamed the same things he had rambled on for days, as if the Lion would finally listen, but the Lion didn’t move.

An hour of shouting passed and Keith started begging. His gloved hands and forehead were on the particle barrier and he pleaded, again and again, promising anything if Red would just let him in, if Red would just let him be the Red Paladin again. 

The Lion did nothing.

Keith was sitting in front of the Red Lion another hour later, his knees pulled to his chest. His throat was sore and hoarse, and his eyes, though he’d never admit it, were red from tears. He was exhausted and felt empty after spilling out every word he had in him, kind and unkind. Keith had his head tilted, resting on his knees and was staring out into space through a window near the ceiling. It always felt strangely quiet in space even when he was with his team. He wondered where Earth was out there, wondered if Allura would take him home when the team finally gave up on him too. Even if he was sent back to Earth, Keith was certain the lonely feeling he felt wouldn’t go away. He didn’t think it ever would.

And just when he was feeling the most alone he had ever felt, Shiro sat down beside him.

Keith jumped, looking at Shiro in alarm before quickly rubbing his eyes, trying to make himself look a pinch less pathetic.

“Hey, hey, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Shiro said, putting a hand on Keith’s back and rubbing.

Keith sniffled and cleared his throat. “You didn’t.”

Shiro chuckled. “Sure, sure.” He retracted his hand and looked up at Red.

“What are you doing here?” Keith asked, following Shiro’s gaze. With another person beside him, Keith felt strangely intimidated by Red. The Lion was enormous.

“Visiting you,” Shiro answered easily. “You left in a hurry, I figured you wanted some private time.”

“You being here breaks the private time thing,” Keith noted dryly.

“Well, I thought you could use some company too. You’ve been in here alone a lot. Well, alone with Red.”

Keith scoffed. “Feels like I’m alone.”

Again, Shiro put his hand on Keith’s shoulder. Keith looked at him. “You never need to feel alone. You have us, you have me,” Shiro assured him. Keith moved to pull away but Shiro held him. “I mean it, Keith. Even in the worst case scenario, you have us. All of us. We’re not going to abandon you.”

Keith huffed and pressed his face into his knees. “Don’t know why you wouldn’t. Red did.”

“Some of us aren’t sentient war machines.” That made Keith smile a tad.

For a while the two paladins just sat there, enjoying the silence between them. Keith felt a little better having someone there with him, even if they weren’t saying anything. Part of Keith was glad for it, because he was sure the topic would be on his failings as a paladin. Sure, Shiro would say it in a kind way, but the fact of the matter was that Keith couldn’t pilot any more.

And of course, Shiro had to ruin the peaceful silence with something worse than the topic of Red’s rejection. 

“Have you spoken with Lance lately?”

Keith stiffened and sat up, looking at Shiro. The question made his heart sink but he couldn’t bring himself to be too surprised. After all, Shiro was the leader, he’d want his team to work well together, and the last time Keith spoke to Lance it was cruel and on the training room floor. “Not since.. No.”

“Ah.”

When Shiro didn’t prompt the conversation further, Keith did. “…Why?”

Shiro put his hands up. “Oh. No reason. I thought—well you weren’t exactly kind to him last I saw you speaking. I was hoping you would have apologized.”

Keith looked guiltily at the ground. “Lance won’t forgive me, there’s no point.”

If Keith would have looked up, he would have seen a soft smile on Shiro’s face. “I wouldn’t say that, Keith.” Keith didn’t reply. Shiro patted his back again and stood. “Don’t hold yourself up in here for too long. I know you want to be close to Red, but I’m worried about you. You’re one of the team, not just a paladin. You need rest too.”

Keith frowned. “Shiro… if Red doesn’t accept me any more..”

“No, enough of that,” Shiro interrupted at once. He said it so suddenly Keith flinched. Shiro was looking at the Lion. “It’ll work out. You’ll see. Have faith, Keith.”

Keith watched Shiro leave before turning his gaze back to the Lion. Keith didn’t have faith any more. Not in himself. Not in Red. In less than a week he managed to ruin everything. After Shiro left Keith wished he would have been more open with the black paladin. Holding this all in probably wasn’t doing him any favors. He let the idea drop—he knew what Shiro would say if he knew the problem. Honesty was important to Shiro. Honesty wasn’t an option to Keith.

 

Much to Keith’s surprise, he had a second visitor after Shiro left. Allura walked in a little louder than Shiro. Keith looked up at he as she approached.

“No luck yet?” she chimed, putting her hand on the red barrier between them. In her other hand, she held a blanket.

“Obviously,” Keith replied, his voice flat. How could she and Shiro both sound so hopeful? It was starting to be annoying rather than uplifting. If only they could see how hopeless it was. 

“You are very dedicated to your role as a paladin,” she said, unfolding the blanket and draping it over Keith without asking him for permission. The blanket wasn’t a very heavy one. It was white with gold and blue designs and it was the softest thing he ever touched. “Surely the Red Lion will see this and open back up to you soon.”

Keith huffed. If it was only a matter of time, Keith would be happy to wait forever. Unfortunately, they didn’t have forever to wait. “Right.”

“Have you had any progress finding out why this has happened?” she went on. Keith frowned a little. Her tone was a bit...suggestive.

“No,” he lied, tugging the blanket around his arms.

“Are you sure?” she asked, bending down and peering at him.

Keith looked at her incredulously. There was no way she knew, so why was she doubting him? He kept her gaze, trying not to look guilty. “Yes,” he bit out, annoyed.

“Have you spoken with Lance?” she asked suddenly.

Keith’s eyes widened at the subject. First Shiro, now her? What in the world—why did they care so much about the fight he had with Lance? He felt his face heat up a little. “No. Lance won’t talk to me. He probably hates me now anyw—what do you care? It’s not going to make Red open, it doesn’t matter.”

Another lie, but again, she couldn’t know.

And yet. Allura watched Keith with a look in her eyes that said otherwise. Keith looked away. “What did you want?”

Allura waited a moment before speaking. “You are my family, Keith, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Or, warm, if nothing else,” she said, tugging on the blue and white blanket hanging on his shoulders. “Do you remember? When I told you you could share with me anything you needed to?” 

Keith did remember. He also remembered the distinct -no- he felt in his mind and heart when she offered her council the first time. His feelings on the matter hadn't changed, or so he thought. The words came out without his permission. 

“I do. Why?”

“The offer still stands.” 

Keith was silent but his mouth was opened, the words on the tip of his tongue. There was a peculiar numbness he felt in that moment. He could just tell her. He could just spill it all and let her be the one to judge, the one to tell him it was okay, that he messed it all up. Did it matter which? He wanted to tell her, or, no. He wanted to tell -someone-. He wanted someone to understand, he just wanted someone to hear him, so bad. 

There was so much in his heart that for a while, he didn't know what to say. In the end, he couldn't admit the true issue. He couldn't speak it aloud. Not to Allura, not to Shiro, not to anyone. He couldn't admit how wrong he was, how foolish he was, how stupidly in love he was, how badly he ruined himself. But there were other fears and doubts weighing him down just as much, ones he could get out.

Keith said, “If I. If I asked you, would you take me home? Back to Earth?” 

Allura was silent for a moment. Keith wondered what her expression was but didn't look. As curious as he was he was sure it was something he wouldn’t like to see.

“Do you want me to take you to Earth?” 

Keith swallowed. “No, Allura.” His fingers tightened against his blanket. “I want to stay.”

It came out brokenly, more than Keith expected. More than Allura could handle, it seemed, as she was before him seconds later, pulling him into a tight embrace. 

“Then you'll stay,” she whispered, her voice mirroring the heartbreak he felt. “You'll always have a place here, Keith. No matter what you or Red do. You belong here, do you understand me?”

Keith nodded, unable to form words without risking a sob. Keith let her hold him for a long time. If Allura felt wetness from his eyes, she didn't mention it. 

When Allura left, Keith watched her go, feeling less like he was the only person in the universe. He had doubts, of course he did, but he wanted to believe what she said. He wanted to believe he'd always have a home here. Maybe he did. Maybe he could have a place on the Castle of Lions, not as a paladin, but as something else. Keith pondered what that something else could be for a long time. 

 

Keith managed to doze off, the blanket tightly around his shoulders. He was emotionally exhausted from having spent days trying to open Red up without any luck, not to mention how particularly exhausting the past day had been. Besides that, he had gotten into the habit of sleeping in Red’s hanger. It was no big surprise for him to fall asleep there, hugging his legs with his chin on his knees. There was a surprise, though, when a loud, clunking metal sound woke Keith up.

The Paladin jumped, scrambling backward with wide eyes. Within seconds he was on his feet, his bayard drawn, ready to attack the cause of the noise, which happened to be caused by a small girl. Pidge gave Keith a toothy grin, lifting her backpack up and dropping it again to repeat the noise that had woken him up. 

“Oops,” she said, clearly amused despite Keith’s death glare at her. She chuckled and bent down, starting to rummage through her backpack. “Did I wake you?”

“What are you doing here?” Keith asked, standing and adjusting his blanket. Upon realizing he must have looked like a sleepy toddler, he pulled the blanket off and neatly folded it, all the while glaring at Pidge. 

“You must really be in a bad way if I can sneak up on you. What happened to the cool ninja-mode Keith?” Pidge asked.

Keith scoffed. “What are you doing?” he repeated, stepping closer now that he wasn't in attack mode anymore. He peered down curiously at Pidge. Unlike Shiro and Allura, Pidge was still in her paladin armor. She began to remove things from her backpack. Her laptop, some wires, a weird..square thing. Keith was baffled. 

“What? I thought Red was ignoring you still. Don't you want some company?”

Keith’s glare didn't seem to bother Pidge at all. Instead of mocking Keith for trying to intimidate her, she began to speak, explaining what the devices she pulled out of her backpack did. At first it all seemed like techno babble that meant nothing to him. It wasn't until she attached two round metal pads to the barrier that Keith understood. 

“That isn't going to work,” he said somberly. Pidge typed away on her computer and adjusted some dials. “Even if you lower the barrier, Red won't talk to me.”

“Maybe not,” Pidge agreed, seeming unfazed by Keith’s doubt. “Maybe we just need to break down this barrier to get through to her. People put up stupid barriers all the time. Getting through then is always the first step.” 

Keith didn't miss the pointed look in his direction and he found himself confused by it. What did that mean? Before he could ask, Pidge adjusted another dial and made a show of pressing a green button. The resulting loud crack of noise and sparks of electricity sprouting from the barrier and the devices had both Pidge and Keith scampering away in fright. Keith stood between Pidge and the barrier and the pair of them stared at the barrier for a few seconds in silence. 

The particle barrier stayed in tact. 

“Well, quiznak,” Pidge said disappointedly before tending to her damaged equipment. “Hmm.. maybe more surface area..” 

“The Galra army had Red for centuries. Don't you think they would have broken the barrier before if it could be broken?” Keith pointed out with a frown. 

Pidge looked up with a cunning gleam in her eye. “No Galra army ever had me on the job,” she replied confidently. 

Keith couldn't help but agree with that. 

Pidge was silent for a while, taking a few tests and jotting notes down. Nothing seemed to work in the slightest but Pidge just told Keith it would be a lot of work to break something that had never been broken before. She just needed more time, she promised. Before they knew it, the barrier would be pried open like a can of tuna. Keith wasn't sure he believed that but he did believe Pidge would do everything she could. If anyone could do it, Pidge could. 

After she left, Keith decided he didn’t really take comfort in the idea of the barrier being broken open. Even if Pidge could manage it, Red would be stoic. Keith was sure of that. The gesture of it all, though, meant a lot to him. Knowing Pidge was willing to put forward the effort to help, to build devices to do something no one had ever managed before meant she wanted him around. That meant more to him than the barrier coming down.

 

By the time Hunk stopped for a visit, Keith was beginning to think his teammates’ visits weren't coincidental. Shiro must have had a team meeting and suggested they all come down to make sure he was comforted in such a trying time. The sentiment was more annoying than comforting, even if he did feel better with the company to an extent. They pitied him. No one needed that, Keith least of all. 

“I don't need to be baby sat,” Keith said hotly as he looked over his shoulder at Hunk. Keith sat on the blanket Allura gave him, his legs crossed, facing Red. 

Hunk paused where he stood, looking annoyed. He lifted the metal box in his hand. “Oh. Alright. I suppose I'll just take these lovingly constructed homemade snacks to some other grumpy starving paladin. Maybe one with manners.” 

It was in that moment that Keith realized he was indeed a starving (grumpy) paladin. He backtracked quickly. 

“Er, I wouldn't mind some company.”

“That's what I thought.”

Hunk sat beside Keith while he ate. The metal box had been filled with strange alien foods that Hunk had prepared. It was far more than he needed but Hunk didn't join him in the meal. Hunk didn't join him in conversation either, which was strange for the Yellow Paladin. Keith wouldn't have minded if it didn't feel so awkward. It felt wrong for Hunk not to be his usual friendly, chatterbox self. 

“Thanks, for this,” Keith said awkwardly. 

“I didn't do it for you,” Hunk said. Keith thought that had to be a lie at first. Then Keith remembered in a flash Lance on the training room floor, his wounded look, and Hunk leaving with him. After that afternoon, Hunk was nearly as silent as Lance was when it came to Keith. 

Keith deserved that--being ignored, being treated hostilely. He had done a terrible thing. So, given that information, Keith concluded his first assumption to Hunk’s presence was the correct one. An outside source, perhaps one too forgiving, had a hand in the meal delivery. 

“I'll be sure to thank Shiro later then,” Keith replied flatly, feeling irritated at Shiro’s intervention and ashamed of himself for needing one.

Hunk looked at Keith. “Shiro?”

“Well yeah. Shiro. He had all of you come visit me didn't he? To show me we're all still a team?” That explained why Pidge was there as well. Keith wondered if Lance would come and he almost barked out a bitter laugh for it. No, Lance wouldn't come. Shiro wouldn't have asked him anyway. When Hunk watched him with a calculating look, he began to have doubts about that theory. “..I do appreciate it.”

Hunk said nothing. Keith prodded his food, finding his appetite was waning. 

“You're angry at me, because--because I can't help the team,” Keith said. That didn't come out how he meant for it to come out. Keith wanted to say something else, to ask it rather than state it. Lance’s name was on his tongue but he couldn't bring himself to mention Lance. The truth was Keith knew Hunk was angry about Lance and how Keith treated him. Rightfully so, but Keith couldn't handle the guilt that came with that statement. He didn't want Hunk to confirm it and berate him or yell at him, so instead, he let a different fear leak out. This one made just as much sense anyway. 

“I'm not angry at you,” Hunk said in a tone that sounded like he was very much angry at Keith. Hunk must have thought so too because he went on. “Okay, well, a little. Not because of this whateverness.” Hunk gestured between Keith and the Lion. “That's not your fault. I know you won't miss out on a fight if you can help it.” The slight friendliness and understanding in Hunk’s tone died then. “Even if said fight is totally uncool and uncalled for.”

Keith tried not to flinch. Mean Hunk was not a Hunk he ever wanted to be around. 

Keith said, “I'm sorry.”

Hunk said, “I'm not the one who deserves an apology.” 

The two of them fell silent for a long stretch of time. Hunk was the one that broke it. 

“He spends a lot more time on the training floor,” Hunk said. “More than usual. I went with him a few times. He does fine-- great even-- when someone isn't telling him he's failing. That he's not good enough.” 

“Hunk, I didn't mean-”

“I don't care what you meant. You did an awful thing to someone who really, _really_ doesn't deserve it,” Hunk accused. Keith held his tongue because he agreed with every fiber of his being. Hunk went on. His voice was softer this time. “You need to apologize to him.”

“What's the point? He won't forgive me. He shouldn't anyway,” Keith said quietly. 

A few seconds ticked by. “Sweet buns, you are just as dramatic as he is.” 

Keith, unprepared for that response, gave Hunk the sincerest look of offendedness he had in him. “ _Excuse me?_ ” 

Hunk laughed then and the sound was just, just what Keith needed. He laughed too and laughed harder when Hunk mockingly repeated his offended ‘ _excuse me_ ’. The pair of Paladins laughed for a long time. Keith felt so much lighter after they caught their breath. 

“You don't give Lance enough credit, you know,” Hunk said, leaning back on his arms. He looked much friendlier now. His smile returned, his posture was relaxed. Hunk was a friend again, Keith's friend, and not just Lance’s best friend, come to defend him. Despite that, Keith tensed up at his name. Hunk nudged him with an elbow. “I mean it. You should apologize to him. Let him decide if he wants to forgive you or not.” 

Keith sighed and nodded lightly. He didn't want to agree to do it so he didn't, but Hunk was right. Keith knew that at least. 

Hunk stood up, brushing off imaginary dust from his pants. “And next time you want to explode on someone, don't pick me. I'm a gentle soul and I can't stand being yelled at. I will cry in front of everyone and I don't want to do that.” They looked at each other. “Er, again.”

Keith smiled and nodded. “Right. I'll yell at the little girl next. Got it.”

“Ooh, look at you, Mister Emo in his fortress of solitude make jokes about making little girls cry.”

“Par for the course.”

“Probably. Also don't let Pidge hear you calling her a little girl. You'll be the one in tears.” 

They laughed, because they both believed it. Hunk departed after that, wishing Keith good luck and offering help if Keith needed it. Keith wasn’t sure he’d take Hunk up on that but Keith was a lone wolf, just as Hunk said. No amount of stress reducing laughter and delicious food would change that. Still, even as he sat by himself in the Red Lion’s hanger, Keith didn’t feel quite as alone as he had when he had first came down to the hanger.

 

Keith was surprised to find that his next and final visitor was Coran. Or, more accurately, he was surprised that it wasn’t Lance. While he tried to hide his disappointment out of respect and understand that a visit from anyone was far more than he deserved, Keith still sulked slightly as the orange haired Altean walked up to him and Red. 

“No luck getting through to ol’ Red here?” Coran asked, looking up at the red hexagons between them and the large space cat. 

“Clearly,” Keith said, wincing at how irritated he sounded. “Sorry.” 

“Nonsense, an attitude is expected in a situation like this! I’d be worried if you weren’t grouchy and irritated and difficult to be around,” Coran said. 

Keith glared at him. That wasn’t exactly uncalled for, but still. 

“Things like this happened to the previous Paladins of Voltron, you know,” Coran went on. Keith was mildly surprised by this. He recalled Allura saying this wasn’t unusual for the Red Lion and not for the first time, Keith wondered about the previous Red Paladin. Did they have secrets they kept from their team? Did Red make them bear their heart out in all situations? Did they do it without hesitation? There was painful yearning in his chest, the desire to meet the last Red Paladin. Surely they, out of everyone in the universe, would be the ones to understand what he was going through. 

Coran kept speaking while Keith was lost in thought about the last warrior that piloted Red. “...and of course, he had no idea at the time that benu berries could be as explosive as xanthorium when heated up! Imagine his surprise!” 

Coran laughed and Keith shot him a clueless expression. Coran knelt in front of Keith and put his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “My point being, you’ll figure it out,” Coran said. “Our last Red Paladin was just as strong willed and hard-headed as you.”

“Is that a complement?” Keith interrupted.

Coran seemed to not hear him. “Things will be rough! But as Allura as no doubt told you before. Red chose you.” 

Keith averted his eyes and said one of the things that weighed him down the most. “Red also chose to ignore me while my friends got their butts kicked. She can un-chose me just as much.” 

Coran sighed and looked over his shoulder at Red. “Perhaps,” he agreed, albeit unwillingly. Keith felt a sting of rejection. “I don’t believe it for a tick, personally. And even if I did.” Coran looked back to Keith and waited until Keith looked up at him to speak. “You will always have a place on this ship, Keith. You belong here, just as much as I do.” Coran gave him a smile. “You don’t have to be a Paladin to be on Team Voltron. I would know.” Coran winked. 

When Coran left a few minutes later, Keith wondered if he could do it. If he could stand being on the Castle of Lions without a lion to call his own. Surely he could help in some way. He was a decent technician and he learned quickly enough. Keith’s strengths were in piloting and fighting, sure, but he could use those skills to help too, somehow. Without Red, without being a Paladin. The once terrifying thought suddenly seemed like it was the only real choice he had.

 

Keith stood in front of the Red Lion and its crimson barrier after Coran left. Over the past few weeks, Keith had spoke more to the Lion than he had to anyone in his entire lifetime. Begging, pleading, screaming, yelling; Keith bared his soul to the Lion and got nothing in return. He was speaking to the wrong person, he knew. He was the problem, he knew. And it was time to let go, he knew. 

The teen cleared his throat and watched the yellow eyes of the Lion, feeling a calm numbness he usually only felt after sobbing for a while. Keith had spent so much time avoiding the reality of the situation, so much time trying to change something he simply couldn’t change. He was giving up. He was moving on. It was the responsible thing to do, the right thing to do. Keith repeated it to himself over and over like a mantra, wondering if he’d ever truly believe it.

Keith said, “Good-bye, Red.” It didn’t feel very much like a good-bye but he said it all the same before he turned and left the hanger. 

Keith didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the Bean being the best beta ever!


	5. Chapter 5

 

There was a miserable silence that followed Keith in the days that came. Keith told himself it was a healing silence, the necessary one that came after a great change. His teammates were quiet because they were at peace like he was, not because they were sad for him. The castle was quiet because they were free from bandits, not because they were avoiding them. Keith steered clear of Red because he wanted to, not because it was hopeless to be there.

Except, all of that was bullshit, and there was little Keith could do to convince himself otherwise. The red paladin-- _former_ red paladin, he reminded himself-- sighed unhappily as he stood, stretching up after bending down for so long. Another task done, at least.

After Keith had left Red’s hanger for the final time, he went to Coran. The Altean man was understanding and, almost to an uncomfortable level, eager to put Keith to work. Keith had done more on the past few days than he had ever in the castle. It was good busy work, if quiet, and he was learning a lot. He had always been decent at mechanical tasks and Coran saw that at once. It was nice to finally feel useful again.

The painful tugging that came with knowing he wasn't helping in the way he wanted was manageable. For now, anyway.

Keith cleaned up the spare bolts and tools, taking them back to Coran’s mechanical room. “Fixed the, purple thing. I think,” Keith called, setting the metal box on a messy counter. There was no reply. “Coran?”

Keith poked around the room and found the Altean attendant gone. While it annoyed Keith to be left behind like this, he tried not to let it get to him. Coran was busy. Everyone had things to do.

Well, everyone except him.

Keith could only stand being alone in the mechanical room for a few minutes before he left. Over the past few days he had done his best not to be alone too much. Coran, Hunk, and Shiro were all eager to keep him company, apparently aware of how much he was hurting, how hard it was to avoiding going back to the Red lion and breaking down all over again. Even now, as he walked the halls he was starting to know like the back of his hand, he actively had to ignore the small tugging in his brain that told him where the Red lion was, how to get there, to go there, to--

Keith shook his head. He needed company desperately.

There were a few rooms he knew to check when he wanted company. The training room, the lounge, the kitchen--the usual haunts were empty, for some strange reason. Keith was getting an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach as he decided to check the bridge. If nothing else Allura should be there.

Keith was right to assume Allura was at the bridge. To his surprise, so was everyone else, together huddled at the center console.

“..if we can be quick and quiet enough we might be able to pull this off without Hunk and I needing attacking the base,” Shiro was saying, his fingers pointing at a transparent blue ship hologram. “We'll be waiting while Lance and Pidge plant the--”

“What are you doing?”

The group of paladins, Allura, and Coran collectively jumped and turned away from the main console to face Keith. His eyes narrowed. The four paladins were dressed in their armor and each one of them had a guilty look on their face upon realizing it was Keith who had walked in. Allura shot Coran a glare.

“I thought you were keeping him busy,” Allura hissed.

Coran raised his hands. “I did! How was I supposed to know he’d work out the windliplex faster than a garntoro? Honestly you should be impressed, I’m still not entirely sure what the thing does!”

“Keith,” Shiro said, talking over Coran and Allura’s not-so-subtle whispering. “The four of us are going to plant a bomb on the bandit’s mothership. We’re hoping to scatter their attack force and give the planets in this system a chance to fight back. Lance and Pidge will be sneaking onto the ship to do the planting while Hunk, Allura, and I provide long range cover with our lions and the castle defences.”

Keith pursed his lips, his mind working a mile a minute. He knew why they had this meeting without telling him. It wasn’t his job, he wasn’t a paladin, he couldn’t help. Keith had accepted that. Or at least, he had pretended he did.

Keith was not able to pretend now.

“I’m coming,” he said the moment Shiro finished speaking. Shiro sighed, having clearly predicted this. That reaction only served to piss Keith off more.

“It’s better for you to stay back here,” Shiro started to say.

“Stay here--I’m the best at hand-to-hand combat. I can help plant the bombs,” he interrupted, walking towards Shiro.

“We need you here in case Red starts to respond to y--”

“Red isn’t going to respond to me, you know that,” Keith hissed. Keith was quite proud of his ability not to glance at Lance every time Red and the lack of reaction the lion had to him was brought up. “Let me come, I can help.”

“It’s too dangerous without your Lion,” Shiro argued.

“Dangerous-- This is ridiculous, you just said Lance and Pidge would sneak onto the ship! They won’t have their lions with them the whole time and I can--”

“Keith.”

Keith’s words died in his throat. Shiro was watching him with a hard gaze, his friendly tone gone. Shiro was being the leader now and was making a choice that was hard on him just as much as it was on Keith. Well, maybe not quite as hard as it was on Keith.

“I’ve made the decision. You’re to stay here just in case. That’s an order, Keith.” There was no room for argument in Shiro’s tone.

Keith wanted to scream. He looked to his other teammates, hoping they would give him some sort of support. Surely they knew he could help in this situation. None of them would meet his eyes, save for Hunk who could only give him a sheepish shrug. Pidge was fiddling with her gloves and Lance. Lance had his back to Keith, refusing to even look at the red paladin.

“Fine,” Keith said coldly, his voice wavering fair more than he expected it to. He turned on his heels and left without another word. They sure as hell didn’t need him on the bridge.

They didn’t need him at all.

Keith’s pace slowed after a few angry minutes. Despair filled him yet again as he walked the halls of the Altean ship. What was the point of him even being there if they wouldn’t use him? It was ridiculous to not let him come along. Fighting was the only thing he could do if he couldn’t pilot. He now saw Coran’s tasks for what they had truly been; just busy work to keep him from pestering the real paladins.

A growl erupted from Keith’s throat and he punched the wall next to him. Almost immediately he regretted it as pain sprang up his arm. His anger hadn’t dissipated a bit for the stupid move either.

“They should just take me home,” he mumbled to himself, rubbing his knuckles unhappily. “I’ll just go crazy here like this. Stupid. This is so stupid.” Keith sighed and ran a hand through his hair, walking slowly in small circles, trying to calm himself, trying to accept the things that he couldn’t change.

After a minute of that, Keith said, “Fuck it,” and ran down the hall.

 

* * *

 

It was a stupid idea. It would probably be a fruitless act as well, but Keith was tired of overthinking, of worrying, of doubting himself. It was time to act. That was what he did best. So Keith did the first stupid thing he thought of.

Keith was going too sneak aboard the Green or Blue Lion and hitch a ride to the mission. If he couldn’t pilot Red into the action he’d just have someone else take him to the action instead.

Keith decided to go to the Blue Lion. He was about the same distance between the two options but he needed to swing by Red’s hanger to put on his armor. The run to the Lion was thrilling. Something finally felt right again as he donned the armor. Armor on, Keith ran faster than he ever had before, getting to the Blue Lion’s hanger in no time. The Blue Lion sat there with her barrier down. Keith felt bitter pang of jealousy but ignored it, instead dashing to hide behind one of the lion’s large paws.

And now, it was time to wait. The rush of getting to the Blue Lion had prevented his thoughts from lingering on what he was about to do. Defying Shiro, hitching a ride with Lance of all people. What if Lance kicked him out? What if he ruined something? Keith let the thoughts disappear to the back of his mind. Who gave a damn? Not Keith. He was tired of overthinking. If there was a problem, he’d deal with it himself.

There wasn’t long to wait before Lance’s cruiser showed up. Keith briefly wondered how long they had this plan if they were able to mobilize so quickly. Surely it couldn’t have been something Shiro came up with on a whim. Whatever, didn’t matter. Keith held his breath as Lance pulled up and watched as he was lifted into the Blue Lion. Keith moved swiftly, jumping onto the platform behind the cruiser, praying Lance didn’t hear anything.

It seemed his attempt was successful. Keith stayed in his hiding spot for a few minutes before he quietly followed Lance to the front of the ship.

Keith hadn’t been in the Blue Lion since the very first time, when Lance had piloted them away from Earth. A wave of nostalgia and doubt hit him. If Blue had known Red would reject Keith, would Blue have taken him in the first place? Why did Blue call out to him at all?

“Yeah yeah, red red red,” Lance was saying as he flicked on a few settings. Keith walked up behind Lance’s chair. “That’s all you ever talk about --” Lance stopped when he caught Keith out of the corner of his eye.

To say the scream that came out of Lance was ‘manly’ would have been a bold lie. Lance nearly jumped out of his armor as he squeaked, his arms going up in a… defensive? Stance?

Keith moved quickly, shoving past Lance’s flailing arms and covering his mouth to cut off the high pitched scream. “Shh!” Keith whispered. “I’m coming with you.” When Keith was sure Lance wasn’t about to scream again, Keith removed his hand.

“What!” Lance squeaked. “Shiro said--”

“Forget what Shiro said, you know I’m more useful down on the battlefield than twiddling with weird Altean tools for hours on end.”

“Are you kidding me?” Lance whispered, sounding outraged. “I--”

“Lance?”

Keith ducked down when Shiro’s voice rang through their helmets. He long since muted himself but it seemed Lance hadn’t.

“Is everything okay Lance?”

Keith gave Lance a desperate look and shook his head lightly. This would probably be his last chance to be a paladin. Shiro wouldn’t be happy about Keith disobeying him, even if it was stupid to hold him back in the first place. Lacking a Lion was one thing, but Keith knew his knack for not listening didn’t exactly make him a valuable member of the team, as the Garrison instructors knew all too well. And if this was it, fine. But he needed this, just one last time.

Lance stared at him levelly, something unreadable in his eyes. For a split second, Keith was certain Lance would rat him out.

“Yeah, sorry, just talkin’ to Blue. She says hi.”

Keith let out an audible sigh of relief.

“Try to focus, Lance.”

“Yes sir.”

“Launch and meet up with Pidge,” Shiro went on, before the click of his communicator turning off sounded.

Lance slumped in his chair. “Shiro’s gonna kill me for this.”

“After he kills me,” Keith said lightly in agreement.

“Is that before or after I kill you for sneaking aboard Blue?” Lance shot back, irritated. He gave Keith a brief glare before seeming to reconsider his anger. “You could have just asked you know.”

Keith started. “Would you have let me come?”

“No but at least I wouldn't have had a heart attack then,” Lance dismissed, pushing forward on his controls.

Keith fell silent at that, holding onto Lance’s chair to keep himself steady as the Blue Lion launched from the hanger and out into the vastness of space. He continued to stay silent as Lance met up with Pidge. Shiro reminded them of the plan and the four lions took off together, heading towards their target. The castle was a safe distance away, behind a nearby moon just in case scouts were watching. The last thing they needed was for their cover to be blown.

Minutes ticked on quietly between the red and blue paladins. Keith had no idea this part of the trip would be so awkward. All he could think about was how close he was to Lance, how this was all he wanted for so long, how awful he had been to Lance, how this was the most they had spoken to each other in weeks.

Keith cleared his throat, recalling Hunk’s advice. “Uh, Lance. Listen. I uh, wanted to say--”

Keith snapped his mouth shut when Lance swerved his head around to glare at Keith with such intensity Keith wondered if a person could die from eye daggers.

“You are not apologizing to me now,” Lance said. It sounded more like an order.

Keith hesitated. “Why not?”

Lance raises a brow. “I've just agreed to do a stupid favor for you to get on a mission that might end up with us dead, or worse, we survive and Shiro locks us in the air lock. Or with that really mean robot thing.” Lance shook his head with a scoff, looking forward. “No. You don’t get to apologize to make it less awkward. When you apologize to me you're gonna mean it, mullet. Until then, suffer in the awkward silence. _Suffer_.”

Keith was speechless. For a split second he thought to argue that he did mean it (avoiding the awkwardness was just a bonus). He regretted his outburst at Lance the most. Well, second most. If Keith had the courage to just walk up to Lance and kiss him like they were in some stupid romantic comedy, maybe they wouldn't be in this mess at all.

So Keith stayed quiet and so did Lance. It was unusual for Lance to be so quiet, but Keith felt the same could be said everyone at the moment. The entire team was eerily silent as the Black and Yellow Lion pulled out of formation to hide behind some space debris. Green and Blue split soon after, the former shimmering and disappearing.

“Careful,” Keith said reflexively as Lance piloted the Lion under the ship.

“Blue, launch Keith into space if he backseat pilots again,” Lance said casually.

“I wasn't-”

The Blue Lion made a rumbling noise that quieted Keith up.

Keith held onto Lance’s seat as they attached to the underside of the ship. Lance flipped a few more switches and leaned back in his seat.

“Aren’t we going in?” Keith asked after a moment. The only thing worse than flying through space with an awkward silence was sitting around in space with an awkward silence.

“Pidge is going to plant her bomb first, then we go on, just in case she needs back up,” Lance explained, picking at his gloves as if he were picking at his nails.

Keith nodded lightly, thinking that made sense. Without Red and thusly Voltron as backup, taking the extra precautions were necessary. Keith tried not to feel guilty at that.

Silence ticked on between them. Keith fiddled with his bayard, unsure what to do, or even if he should do anything at all. The awkwardness. Oh god, it was deafening. Why did Lance have to point it out before? It felt so much worse this time around. Keith cleared his throat.

“Can I apologize now?” Keith asked into the uncomfortable silence.

“Nope. You haven’t suffered enough yet,” Lance replied easily.

Keith scoffed at that but found himself smiling. It felt, almost normal again.

“Why didn’t you try to sneak along with Pidge?” Lance asked after a few more moments of almost-comfortable silence. “She’s tiny and could use a body guard.”

“You’ve been captured twice.”

“I retract my statement.”

Keith smiled again and caught Lance do the same. Before Keith could continue with a snarky remark, Pidge’s voice came on over the intercom.

“I’ve planted my bomb but I couldn’t get in as far as we wanted,” she said, sounding out of breath. “This thing is crawling with guards.”

“That’s fine, as long as you got out safely and unseen,” Shiro said next. “Lance, it’s up to you now. Try to get it in as far as you can. Two charges should be more than enough.”

“Aye aye Captain Shiro,” Lance said, his voice light and cheerful as ever. The inner soldier of Keith waited instinctively, expecting his own orders but they never came.

“Ready, Dropout?” Lance asked after clicking his communicator off. Keith nodded and soon, both the Blue and Red paladin were on the bandit ship. The pair was silent as they worked their way through the twisting halls of the large old ship. Lance kept his bayard drawn and ready while Keith carried the bomb.

More than once, the pair hid behind pillars or in a spare room as sentries and groups of alien bandits crossed their path. So far they went unnoticed but the gravity of the situation quickly enveloped Keith. These bandits were killers. The further in they got, the harder it would be for them to leave in one piece.

“Uh, Lance?” Keith whispered as Lance looked over a vague schematic Pidge managed to hack for them.

“Mhm?” he replied, distracted.

“Listen. What happened, the other day, I--”

“Oh for the love of cheese,” Lance groaned. Keith could hear the eye-roll in his tone. Lance turned and pointed at Keith aggressively. Keith didn’t know someone could point aggressively. “Seriously, again?”

“I need to say it,” Keith insisted, and he did. If he died here, he wanted Lance to know at least he was sorry for the horrible way he acted. A deeper part of Keith told him to confess to everything, but that.. No, Keith couldn't do that.

“No, shut up. I’m not listening to you apologize for being the biggest dick in the universe when we might be shot up at any moment,” Lance rambled, throwing his arm up in the air. Keith’s eyes darted past Lance.

“Lance--”

“Seriously! Drop it!”

“MOVE!”

Keith darted forward and shoved Lance behind a wall as shouts began to fill the air. The bandits had seen them.

“Go!” Lance shouted, firing at the startled and angry bandits. Keith didn’t need to be told twice.

The pair of paladins ran down the hall. It only took the bandits a few moments to start firing back.

“What do we do now?” Lance shouted as they turned down a hall and broke into a run.

“Plant the bomb and get the hell out of here,” Keith said, looking over his shoulder between desperate glances around the winding hallways.

“Easier said than done!” Lance growled back as the sound of shots fired echoed around them. Lance squawked and together the two paladins turned down another hall.

“There!” Keith called out, nodding to a set of doors down the hall. He skid to a stop and dropped the bomb, trying the door switch. He was unsurprised to find the door wouldn’t budge. Growling, he pulled out his bayard and summoned it. In a flash the red and white sword appeared and Keith went to work, trying to slice through the lock.

“Hurry up!”

“I’m working on it,” Keith grunted. The door finally budged open and Keith swept up the bomb and hurried in. The room was dark and filled to the brim with metal boxes of all shapes and sizes. Some were opened, some weren’t. Loot from the planets the bandits terrorized, he decided. “Lance, in here--” Keith started to say, turning to make sure Lance followed him into their makeshift hideout.

Keith looked back in time to see Lance get shot.

Those few seconds felt as though they lasted an eternity. Keith saw it all agonizingly slow. Lance turning to look at Keith, lowering his bayard. The bright flash of light of a laser directly hitting Lance’s thigh. The pained look on Lance’s face as he stumbled into the room and crumbled to the floor. The howls of victory. The rushing footsteps in the hallway signalling that this was far from over.

The blinding panic that Keith felt then was like nothing he had ever felt before.

As slow as those seconds felt, the seconds that followed were a whirlwind. Keith shouted Lance’s name and ran to him, dropping the bomb carelessly onto the floor. What did a bomb matter when Lance was on the ground, injured? What did any of this matter?

Unfortunately, the bandits didn’t give Keith time to be hysterical over Lance. They came to the door, ready for a fight. Luckily, fighting was something Keith was quite good at, distressed or otherwise, and something he was quite ready and willing for.

The red paladin met a group of five bandits at the door. Their guns were raised but that didn’t slow down Keith for a second. He yelled, kicking one back before laying into the others.

The battle was over quickly, the five bandits knocked unconscious, or worse, in the hallway. Unfortunately, the damage was already done. Keith could hear more bandits yelling in the distance. Their cover was blown.

Keith dismissed his bayard and returned to the room, hitting unmute on his communicator. Bending down and pulling Lance away from the door, he blew his other cover as well.

“Lance has been injured, they know we’re onboard.”

“Keith?” Shiro’s voice was the first among the chorus of confused Paladins. “What--”

“Yes, I’m on the bandits’ ship. I snuck on with Lance. Yell at me later, you’re about to have company,” Keith interrupted, leaving Lance in the center in the room to deal with the door situation.

“Their fighters are scrambling,” Pidge called out.

“Hunk, make sure the Blue Lion’s path is clear, Pidge and I will distract the fighters. Keith, get back to the Lion as soon as you can,” Shiro ordered. The paladins called out their confirmation and went to their orders.

Keith worked on barricading the door with everything he could find. The metal boxes were heavy but not impossible to move. Soon, four large metal boxes and a door with a broken lock were all that stood in the way between the paladins and dangerous bandits. With the door as secure as it was going to get, Keith returned to Lance and began dragging him towards a corner of the room.

“Stop, dragging me, around,” Lance grunted as Keith pulled Lance farther into the room.

“You have to be under more cover in case they shoot through,” Keith replied, swatting away Lance’s defensive arm.

“I’ve already been shot once, what’s a few more times?”

As he wasn’t quite in the mood for jokes, Keith looked at Lance with a panicked, pained expression. None of this, none of it at all, would have happened if Keith had been honest up front. Voltron would have taken care of these bandits in seconds. Lance would have never been hurt, never even been in real danger.

Lance sighed and pushed Keith off while Keith threw his inward pity party. The blue paladin adjusted himself, leaning up against a metal box with his back to the door. Safe enough, Keith decided, as he knelt down beside Lance. For the first time, Keith got a good look at the wound and was surprised to find how much blood there was. Fighting the urge to panic, Keith rummaged through the boxes until he found something that looked like a flag. Taking the fabric back to Lance, he knelt again and inspected the wound.

Keith was, by no means, a doctor. Sure, he could wrap up cuts and scrapes, he could handle burns with the right supplies and he knew how to deal with broken ribs. This wound, however. Keith didn’t even really know where to start.

“Can you walk?” Keith asked, removing the thigh armor in the way. He tied the flag around Lance’s upper thigh, above the wound, and prayed that would stave off the bleeding.

“Nng. That’s a negative, ghostrider.”

“Ghostrider?”

“You know, ‘cause you’re a hot head? Though looks like I’ll be the ghost soon.” Lance forced a laugh.

“No. That’s not funny, Lance,” Keith said flatly, not in any mood for jokes of that sort at all. Lance was going to be fine. Keith was going to save him. He had to. He looked up and around, trying to locate another exit but his initial scans of the room told him there was only one way out. “I’ll carry you,” he decided.

Lance snorted. “Past the mob of angry bandits? Without a weapon in your hand? I don’t think so.”

Keith grunted but said nothing more. He didn’t see another solution, but he wasn’t going to give up yet.

“Look, up there.” Lance pointed up to the ceiling. Keith followed his finger to see a square panel unlike the tiles of the ceiling. “Looks like a ventilation system, right? You could fit through that.” Lance touched his helmet. “Pidge, did you get schematics of the ship when you were on it? The whole ship?”

“Of course I did,” came Pidge’s tense reply. Keith could make out the sound of lasers and explosions in the background.

“Did you see a ventilation system in them?”

“I’m a little busy to be looking up maps right now,” Pidge replied hotly.

“Lance is bleeding to death, find the time,” Keith interrupted. He settled down a little when Lance gave him a very, very unimpressed look.

“To _death_? What? How bad--” Hunk started to ask, panic making his voice high.

“Keith, how bad are Lance’s injuries?” Shiro asked.

“I’ll be fine!” Lance said just as Keith said, “He’s been shot in the thigh, it’s bleeding a lot, I don’t know what to do.”

Keith looked away from Lance after speaking. His voice had cracked from emotion. This was unacceptable. Keith was scared but he couldn’t let that get to him today, not now, not when Lance needed him. He steeled himself and looked back to Lance in time to see a rather terrified looking paladin. Keith couldn’t remember a time seeing Lance look so small.

“Pidge, fall back and find them a way out. Hang tight Lance, we’re coming to get you both,” Shiro said. Keith felt some comfort in that, even if he didn’t know how Shiro was going to come get them. Keith got the feeling Lance also felt some emptiness to the promise.

“Lance?” Keith whispered as the paladins in his ear argued.

“What about the bomb?” Hunk asked. “And Blue? She doesn’t have a pilot!”

“We’ll figure it out, focus on those fighters Hunk!”

“Lance,” Keith repeated as he saw Lance’s chest heave, his breathing growing more and more labored. Keith leaned forward and took Lance’s helmet off. Lance was having a panic attack, Keith was sure. Was it the shock of being shot? The feeling of being trapped? “Lance, look at me, you gotta breathe, Lance. Lance.”

Lance shut his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t want to die here, not here, not out in space. God, I was supposed to have kids and buy a nice nursing home for my mom, oh god.”

“Lance, stop,” Keith said, leaning forward and pulling Lance’s head up. He ignored the small, bitter feeling he got at the concept of Lance wanting children. Now was not the time to be depressed over the fact that he couldn’t have children, not when his friend was facing his mortality.

When Lance finally gave in and looked Keith in the eye, Keith smiled at him, holding his face in place. “You aren’t going to die, not here. Who’s gonna keep up with me if you go, Hunk? I’m not going to leave you. Just, just shut up. I'll figure it out.”

Lance held his gaze and for a time, Keith and Lance sat in silence. Lance’s breathing eventually eased up and he relaxed. More or less, anyway. There was a faraway look in his eyes that Keith didn’t understand but if it stopped him from going into a panic attack, Keith would take it.

Keith jumped when a dot appeared on his helmet.

“Here! The schemes!” Pidge exclaimed. “I plotted you a route back to Blue.”

Keith stood and pulled up the schemes, looking them over.

“Make it quick,” Hunk said. “They are all over Blue right now!”

“Give me ten minutes,” Keith said, closing the map and picking up Lance’s helmet. Keith held it out to him but to his surprise, Lance pushed it away.

“Lance, what are you--”

“I can’t walk.”

Keith stiffened and stood up straight. “I said I’ll carry you.”

“Through the tiny vents?” Lance asked. There was some sass to his voice but Lance wouldn’t look at Keith.

“I’ll drag you,” Keith replied fiercely, offering the helmet again.

Again, Lance pushed the helmet away.

“Lance, c’mon. Let’s go. Lance. _Lance_.”

“What’s going on?” Shiro’s voice came over the communicator.

“Is Lance okay? Oh god, Lance! Buddy! Say something!”

“Hunk, watch your left!”

“Keith, repor--”

Keith growled and pulled his helmet off, tossing it away and shoving the helmet against Lance’s chest. “I’m not leaving without you. Stop moping, we have to go.”

“I’ll just slow you down,” Lance muttered. “If I stay here, I can arm the bomb and guard it. You can go to Blue. We have to get her away from the explosion.”

“We have to get you away from it too, idiot,” Keith bit out. Lance scoffed, to Keith’s surprise. “What makes you think she’ll even let me pilot her anyway? We need you.”

“She likes you,” Lance replied. Keith didn’t know how to react to that. Red never told him anything about anyone, preferences or otherwise. How did Lance know? The two did seem to communicate earlier. Or perhaps Lance was making it up in an attempt to convince Keith to go.

“I don’t give a damn how much she likes me. I’m not leaving you,” Keith snapped.

“Are you ready to die too?” Lance asked bitterly. Keith flinched.

“We’re not going to die--”

“You saw how many of them there were before. We just attacked their _base_. We’re not going anywhere and you know it, not if we wait for everyone else.”

He didn't want to admit it, but Keith did agree. Four lions weren’t enough. That was the whole reason for the bombs at all.

“I can’t just, leave you here, Lance,” Keith dismissed, shaking his head.

“Why not?”

Keith jerked his head up, surprise written on his face. “What do you mean, _why not?_ ”

“I’m expendable,” Lance muttered.

Keith wanted to punch him, and were he not injured, he might have. “No, Lance, you--”

“You said it yourself, you know,” Lance interrupted. Lance finally looked at him, a coldness in his eyes as he met Keith’s gaze. “Don’t you remember? ‘ _You were completely useless_ ’.”

Keith froze, because he did remember, he couldn’t forget.

Lance avoided looking at Keith again. “I’m not mad at you, not any more. I was at first, but. I think, maybe, you were right. And if Red rejected you, the best pilot this side of the galaxy, what hope do I have?”

“Red didn’t reject me out for lacking skill,” Keith interrupted, not wanting to face what Lance was really saying. Lance merely shrugged.

“Maybe if I’m gone, you can pilot Blue. We’ll still be down a lion, but you. You’re a better pilot than I am. Voltron needs you more than it needs me, Keith.”

Keith couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Lance honestly think he could just, trade himself like that? That wasn’t how this worked. That wasn’t how any of this was supposed to go, and if Keith had just told Lance, if he was just brave enough to handle his stupid emotions, none of this would be happening.

It was that moment that it finally clicked with Keith how much damage he had truly done. His first fear, before Red ever shut him out, was breaking Voltron, and more than that, rejection from the person he cared for. Now, single handedly, Keith not only managed to destroy Voltron but was still rejected from the person he cared for. Only this time, the rejection was far, far worse than anything he ever could have imagined. Keith had thought it would be easier on both of them, on everyone, if he just ignored himself and instead Keith managed to thoroughly break Lance’s spirit. No wonder Hunk had been so angry at him--Keith had broken Lance.

The two paladins jumped as the sound of banging came from the door. The bandits were back. Lance summoned his bayard and pointed it up, shooting the panel to the ventilation system. The hatch snapped off and fell to the ground with a loud clatter. Keith stared up at the exit. The only exit for the living.

“Go,” Lance said, nudging Keith. “I can hold them off and arm the bomb. I’ll give you five minutes.”

 _Thud. Thud. Thud._ The bandits were relentless in the process of breaking the door down.

Keith didn’t move. He couldn’t move.

“Keith, get moving, before it’s too late,” Lance insisted, shoving Keith as if to wake him up.

Keith stood slowly, refusing to look at Lance. The other paladin said nothing but Keith could see him stiffen out of the corner of his eye. Lance really thought Keith would leave him, didn’t he? Did Lance think Keith hated him? How, how did he mess this all up so much?

Keith walked to the center of the room and retrieved the bomb. It was a small device, about the size of a bowling ball and about half as heavy as one. Keith returned to Lance and knelt beside him.

“There aren’t enough words in the galaxy for me to tell you how sorry I am,” Keith said quietly, arming the bomb. A countdown appeared on a glass panel on the bomb. He stared at their barricaded door. It wouldn’t be long before it was broken through. Distantly, Keith could hear the rest of their team yelling to each other in their helmet communicator. Both of the helmets lay against a metal box near Lance’s uninjured leg, abandon.

“Keith?” Lance murmured, confusion in his tone. “You can skip the apology, you don’t have a lot of time.”

“I have the rest of my life,” Keith replied, arming his bayard. The sword appeared in a flash.

Lance groaned. “Keith, you dramatic bi--”

“I’m not running away any more,” Keith interrupted, catching Lance’s gaze. “If we go down, we go down together.”

“What about Voltron?” Lance growled, desperate.

“Voltron is nothing without the team,” Keith replied.

“And your solution is to let us both die? You moron!” Lance pushed Keith again. Keith glared at him.

“Why are you so set on being a martyr?” Keith snapped.

“Me? I literally can’t walk! You’re the one who’s trying to play hero so I’m not alone. News flash, you being here isn’t going to make dying any less sucky! I’m telling you to go and you, you,” Lance’s voice quivered. “Please Keith, j--”

“I can’t do this without you,” Keith interrupted. Lance looked at him, shock on his face. Keith sighed and looked away. “Just, any of this. I can’t do it, Lance. The thought of it, the thought of you and everyone else hating me, it’s the whole reason all of this happened. I thought you’d send me back to Earth, I.. I was too scared to face my own feelings, I was scared I’d lose it all. And I did, just not in the way I expected. I was an idiot. I was such an idiot and now you’re hurt and trapped and. I just can’t leave you, I won’t, Lance.”

A sort of peace fell over Keith then, a real one. Not the sort he felt when he gave up on Red or Lance. This felt right. It was too bad the threat of death pushed him here. Regardless, Keith knew what to do now. The same sort of certainty that he felt weeks ago fell over him again and this time, the doubt that had come with it last time wasn’t there at all.

This was what he should have done weeks ago.

“Keith,” Lance breathed. Keith leaned in closer. “I-I don’t under--”

“I love you, Lance,” Keith interrupted. “I’ve loved you for a long time. I’m not going to run from it any more.”

Letting go of his inhibitions, Keith leaned in and kissed Lance, deeply, passionately, in every way he wanted to.

* * *

 In the castleship, hidden behind a moon, the Red Lion _roared_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've run out of clever things to say when I go six months without updating ;w; First of all, thank you so much for your comments and kudos! Those little boosts help motivate me to continue. Thank you so much for being patient for those of you stickin' around! Second of all, only one chapter left and it's halfway written already. I'm determined to get it out before season 5 (considering this fic started well before season 2, I really do need to finish it. Ignoring three seasons of canon, easy, but FOUR that's ridiculous Cx ) 
> 
> Shout out to Bean for being a kick as beta and Shiba for also betaing and being super supportive! 
> 
> And shout out to you guys too. Hang in there for the conclusion!


End file.
